Gentlemen Prefer Blondes · Chapter 4 (2/3)

So finally there was another loud knock on the door so we heard him rush to the door so we both went in to the parlor to see what it was and it really was a sight. Because it was another Frenchman. So the new Frenchman rushed in and he yelled Papa and he kissed him. So it seems that it was his son because his son is really his papa’s partner in the advocat business. So then his papa talked quite a lot and then he pointed at I and Dorothy. So then his son looked at us and then his son let out quite a large size squeal, and he said in French “May papa, elles sont sharmant.” So it seems he was telling his papa in French that we were really charming. So then Mons. Broussard stopped crying and put on his glasses and took a good look at us. So then his son put up the window shade, so his papa could get a better look at us. So when his papa had finished looking at us he really became delighted. So he became all smiles and he pinched our cheeks and he kept on saying Sharmant all of the time because Sharmant means charming in the French languadge. So then his son broke right out into english and he really speaks english as good as an American. So then he told us his papa telephoned for him to come over because we did not seem to understand what his papa was saying to us. So it seems that Mons. Broussard had been talking to us in english all of the time but we did not seem to understand his kind of english. So Dorothy said, “If what your papa was talking in was english, I could get a gold medal for my greek.” So then his son told his papa and his papa laughed very very loud and he pinched Dorothys cheek and he was very delighted even if the joke was on him. So then Dorothy and I asked his son what he was saying, when he was talking to us in english and his son said he was telling us all about his client, Lady Francis Beekman. So then we asked his son why his papa kept crying. So then his son said his papa kept crying because he was thinking about Lady Francis Beekman. So Dorothy said, “If he cries when he thinks about her, what does he do when he looks at her?” So then his son explained to his papa what Dorothy said. So then Mons. Broussard laughed very very loud, so then he kissed Dorothy’s hand, so he said, after that, we would all really have to have a bottle of champagne. So he went to the telephone and ordered a bottle of champagne.

So then his son said to his papa, “Why do we not ask the charming ladies to go out to Fountainblo today.” So his papa said it would be charming. So then I said, “How are we going to tell you gentlemen apart, because if it is the same in Paris as it is in America, you would both seem to be Monshure Broussard.” So then we got the idea to call them by their first name. So it seems that his son’s name is Louie so Dorothy spoke up and said, “I hear that they number all of you Louies over here in Paris.” Because a girl is always hearing someone talk about Louie the sixteenth who seemed to be in the anteek furniture business. I mean I was surprised to hear Dorothy get so historical so she may really be getting educated in spite of everything. But Dorothy told Louie he need not try to figure out his number because she got it the minute she looked at him. So it seems his papa’s name is Robber, which means Robert in French. So Dorothy started in to think about her 25 francs and she said to Robber, “Your mother certainly knew her grammer when she called you that.”

So Dorothy said we might as well go out to Fountainblo with Louie and Robber if Louie would take off his yellow spats that were made out of yellow shammy skin with pink pearl buttons. Because Dorothy said, “Fun is fun but no girl wants to laugh all of the time.” So Louie is really always anxious to please, so he took off his spats but when he took off his spats, we saw his socks and when we saw his socks we saw that they were Scotch plaid with small size rainbows running through them. So Dorothy looked at them a little while and she really became quite discouraged and she said, “Well Louie, I think you had better put your spats back on.”

So then Leon, our friend who is the waiter, came in with the bottle of champagne. So while he was opening the bottle of champagne Louie and Robber talked together in French quite a lot and I really think I had ought to find out what they said in French because it might be about the diamond tiara. Because French gentlemen are very very gallant, but I really do not think a girl can trust one of them around a corner. So, when I get a chance, I am going to ask Leon what they said.

So then we went to Fountainblo and then we went to Momart and we got home very late, and we really had quite a delightful day and night, even if we did not go out shopping and buy anything. But I really think we ought to do more shopping because shopping really seems to be what Paris is principaly for.

Well this morning I sent for Leon, who is Dorothy and my waiter friend, and I asked him what Louie and Robber said in French. So it seems that they said in French that we seemed to attract them very very much because they really thought that we were very very charming, and they had not met girls that were so charming in quite a long time. So it seems that they said that they would ask us out a lot and that they would charge up all the bills to Lady Francis Beekman because they would watch for their chance and they would steal the diamond tiara. So then they said that even if they could not steal it from us, we were really so charming that it would be delightful to go around with us, even if they could not steal from us. So no matter what happens they really could not lose. Because it seems that Lady Francis Beekman would be glad to pay all the bills when they told her they had to take us out a lot so they could watch for their chance and steal it. Because Lady Francis Beekman is the kind of a wealthy lady that does not spend money on anything else but she will always spend money on a lawsuit. And she really would not mind spending the money because it seems that something either I or Dorothy said to Lady Francis Beekman seemed to make her angry.

So then I decided it was time to do some thinking and I really thought quite a lot. So I told Dorothy I thought I would put the real diamond tiara in the safe at the Ritz and then I would buy an imitation of a diamond tiara at the jewelry store that has the imitations that are called paste. So then I would leave the imitation of the diamond tiara lying around, so Louie and Robber could see how careless I seem to be with it so then they would get full of encouradgement. So when we go out with Louie and Robber I could put it in my hand bag and I could take it with me so Louie and Robber could always feel that the diamond tiara was within reach. So then Dorothy and I could get them to go shopping and we could get them to spend quite a lot and every time they seemed to get discouradged, I could open my hand bag, and let them get a glimpse of the imitation of a diamond tiara and they would become more encouradged and then they would spend some more money. Because I even might let them steal it at the last, because they were really charming gentlemen after all and I really would like to help Louie and Robber. I mean it would be quite amusing for them to steal it for Lady Francis Beekman and she would have to pay them quite a lot and then she would find out it was only made out of paste after all. Because Lady Francis Beekman has never seen the real diamond tiara and the imitation of a diamond tiara would really deceive her, at least until Louie and Robber got all of their money for all of the hard work they did. I mean the imitation of a diamond tiara would only cost about 65 dollars and what is 65 dollars if Dorothy and I could do some delightful shopping and get some delightful presents that would even seem more delightful when we stopped to realize that Lady Francis Beekman paid for them. And it would teach Lady Francis Beekman a lesson not to say what she said to two American girls like I and Dorothy, who were all alone in Paris and had no gentleman to protect them.

So when I got through telling Dorothy what I thought up, Dorothy looked at me and looked at me and she really said she thought my brains were a miracle. I mean she said my brains reminded her of a radio because you listen to it for days and days and you get discouradged and just when you are getting ready to smash it, something comes out that is a masterpiece.

So then Louie called us up so Dorothy told him that we thought it would be delightful if he and Robber would take us out shopping tomorrow morning. So then Louie asked his papa and his papa said they would. So then they asked us if we would like to go to see a play called The Foley Bergere tonight. So he said that all of the French people who live in Paris are always delighted to have some Americans, so it will give them an excuse to go to the Foley Bergere. So we said we would go. So now Dorothy and I are going out shopping to buy the imitation of a diamond tiara and we are going out window shopping to pick out where we would like Louie and Robber to take us shopping tomorrow.

So I really think that everything always works out for the best. Because after all, we really need some gentlemen to take us around until Mr. Eisman gets to Paris and we could not go around with any really attractive gentlemen because Mr. Eisman only wants me to go out with gentlemen that have brains. So I said to Dorothy that, even if Louie and Robber do not look so full of brains, we could tell Mr. Eisman that all we were learning from them was French. So even if I have not seemed to learn French yet, I have really almost learned to understand Robbers english so when Robber talks in front of Mr. Eisman and I seem to understand what he is saying, Mr. Eisman will probably think I know French.

So last night we went to the Foley Bergere and it really was devine. I mean it was very very artistic because it had girls in it that were in the nude. So one of the girls was a friend of Louie and he said that she was a very very nice girl, and that she was only 18 years of age. So Dorothy said, “She is slipping it over on you Louie, because how could a girl get such dirty knees in only 18 years?” So Louie and Robber really laughed very very loud. I mean Dorothy was very unrefined at the Foley Bergere. But I always think that when girls are in the nude it is very artistic and if you have artistic thoughts you think it is beautiful and I really would not laugh in an artistic place like the Foley Bergere.

So I wore the imitation of a diamond tiara to the Foley Bergere. I mean it really would deceeve an expert and Louie and Robber could hardly take their eyes off of it. But they did not really annoy me because I had it tied on very very tight. I mean it would be fatal if they got the diamond tiara before Dorothy and I took them shopping a lot.

So we are all ready to go shopping this morning and Robber was here bright and early and he is in the parlor with Dorothy and we are waiting for Louie. So I left the daimond tiara on the table in the parlor so Robber could see how careless I really am with everything but Dorothy is keeping her eye on Robber. So I just heard Louie come in because I heard him kissing Robber. I mean Louie is always kissing Robber and Dorothy told Louie that if he did not stop kissing Robber, people would think that he painted batiks.

So now I must join the others and I will put the diamond tiara in my hand bag so that Louie and Robber will feel that it is always around and we will all go shopping. And I almost have to smile when I think of Lady Francis Beekman.

Yesterday was really delightful. I mean Louie and Robber bought Dorothy and I some delightful presents. But then they began to run out of all the franks they had with them, so they began to get discouradged but just as soon as they began to get discouradged, I gave Robber my hand bag to hold while I went to the fitting room to try on a blouse. So he was cheered up quite a lot, but of course Dorothy stayed with them and kept her eye on Robber so he did not get a chance. But it really cheered him up quite a lot to even hold it.

So after all their franks were gone, Robber said he would have to telephone to someone, so I suppose he telephoned to Lady Francis Beekman and she must have said All right because Robber left us at a place called the Café de la Paix because he had to go on an errand and when he came back from his errand he seemed to have quite a lot more franks. So then they took us to luncheon so that after luncheon we could go out shopping some more.

But I am really learning quite a lot of French in spite of everything. I mean if you want delicious chicken and peas for luncheon all you have to say is “pettypas” and “pulle.” I mean French is really very easy, for instance the French use the word “sheik” for everything, while we only seem to use it for gentlemen when they seem to resemble Rudolf Valentino.

So while we were shopping in the afternoon I saw Louie get Dorothy off in a corner and whisper to her quite a lot. So then I saw Robber get her off in a corner and whisper to her quite a lot. So when we got back to the Ritz, Dorothy told me why they whispered to her. So it seems when Louie whispered to Dorothy, Louie told Dorothy that if she would steal the diamond tiara from me and give it to him and not let his papa know, he would give her 1,000 franks. Because it seems that Lady Francis Beekman has got her heart set on it and she will pay quite a lot for it because she is quite angry and when she really gets as angry as she is, she is only a woman with one idea. So if Louie could get it and his papa would not find it out, he could keep all the money for himself. So it seems that later on, when Robber was whispering to Dorothy, he was making her the same proposition for 2,000 franks so that Louie would not find out and Robber could keep all the money for himself. So I really think it would be delightful if Dorothy could make some money for herself because it might make Dorothy get some ambishions. So tomorrow morning Dorothy is going to take the diamond tiara and she is going to tell Louie that she stole it and she is going to sell it to Louie. But she will make him hand over the money first and then, just as she is going to hand over the diamond tiara, I am going to walk in on them and say, “Oh there is my diamond tiara. I have been looking for it everywhere.” So then I will get it back. So then she will tell him that she might just as well keep the 1,000 franks because she will steal it for him again in the afternoon. So in the afternoon she is going to sell it to Robber and I really think we will let Robber keep it. Because I am quite fond of Robber. I mean he is quite a sweet old gentleman and it is really refreshing the way he and his son love one another. Because even if it is unusual for an American to see a French gentleman always kissing his father, I really think it is refreshing and I think that we Americans would be better off if we American fathers and sons would love one another more like Louie and Robber.

So Dorothy and I have quite a lot of delightful hand bags and stockings and handkerchiefs and scarfs and things and some quite cute models of evening gowns that are all covered with imitations of diamonds, only they do not call them “paste” when they are on a dress but they call them “diamonteys” and I really think a girl looks quite cute when she is covered all over with “diamonteys.”