Agnes Grey · Chapter 18 (2/2)

Then, immediately, I sought permission to anticipate the vacation, and go without delay. Mrs. Murray stared, and wondered at the unwonted energy and boldness with which I urged the request, and thought there was no occasion to hurry; but finally gave me leave: stating, however, that there was “no need to be in such agitation about the matter⁠—it might prove a false alarm after all; and if not⁠—why, it was only in the common course of nature: we must all die some time; and I was not to suppose myself the only afflicted person in the world;” and concluding with saying I might have the phaeton to take me to O⁠⸺. “And instead of repining, Miss Grey, be thankful for the privileges you enjoy. There’s many a poor clergyman whose family would be plunged into ruin by the event of his death; but you, you see, have influential friends ready to continue their patronage, and to show you every consideration.”

I thanked her for her “consideration,” and flew to my room to make some hurried preparations for my departure. My bonnet and shawl being on, and a few things hastily crammed into my largest trunk, I descended. But I might have done the work more leisurely, for no one else was in a hurry; and I had still a considerable time to wait for the phaeton. At length it came to the door, and I was off: but, oh, what a dreary journey was that! how utterly different from my former passages homewards! Being too late for the last coach to ⸻, I had to hire a cab for ten miles, and then a car to take me over the rugged hills.

It was half-past ten before I reached home. They were not in bed.

My mother and sister both met me in the passage⁠—sad⁠—silent⁠—pale! I was so much shocked and terror-stricken that I could not speak, to ask the information I so much longed yet dreaded to obtain.

“Agnes!” said my mother, struggling to repress some strong emotion.

“Oh, Agnes!” cried Mary, and burst into tears.

“How is he?” I asked, gasping for the answer.

“Dead!”

It was the reply I had anticipated: but the shock seemed nonetheless tremendous.