The Turmoil · Chapter 23 (2/2)

Roscoe rose, his head hanging, but there was a dull relief in his eyes. “Best I can do,” he muttered, seeming about to depart, yet lingering. “I figure it out a good deal like this,” he said. “I didn’t know my job was any strain, and I managed all right, but from what Gur⁠—from what I hear, I was just up to the limit of my nerves from overwork, and the⁠—the trouble at home was the extra strain that’s fixed me the way I am. I tried to brace, so I could stand the work and the trouble too, on whiskey⁠—and that put the finish to me! I⁠—I’m not hitting it as hard as I was for a while, and I reckon pretty soon, if I can get to feeling a little more energy, I better try to quit entirely⁠—I don’t know. I’m all in⁠—and the doctor says so. I thought I was running along fine up to a few months ago, but all the time I was ready to bust, and didn’t know it. Now, then, I don’t want you to blame Sibyl, and if I were you I wouldn’t speak of her as ‘that woman,’ because she’s your daughter-in-law and going to stay that way. She didn’t do anything wicked. It was a shock to me, and I don’t deny it, to find what she had done⁠—encouraging that fellow to hang around her after he began trying to flirt with her, and losing her head over him the way she did. I don’t deny it was a shock and that it’ll always be a hurt inside of me I’ll never get over. But it was my fault; I didn’t understand a woman’s nature.” Poor Roscoe spoke in the most profound and desolate earnest. “A woman craves society, and gaiety, and meeting attractive people, and traveling. Well, I can’t give her the other things, but I can give her the traveling⁠—real traveling, not just going to Atlantic City or New Orleans, the way she has, two, three times. A woman has to have something in her life besides a business man. And that’s all I was. I never understood till I heard her talking when she was so sick, and I believe if you’d heard her then you wouldn’t speak so hard-heartedly about her; I believe you might have forgiven her like I have. That’s all. I never cared anything for any girl but her in my life, but I was so busy with business I put it ahead of her. I never thought about her, I was so busy thinking business. Well, this is where it’s brought us to⁠—and now when you talk about ‘business’ to me I feel the way you do when anybody talks about Gurney to you. The word ‘business’ makes me dizzy⁠—it makes me honestly sick at the stomach. I believe if I had to go downtown and step inside that office door I’d fall down on the floor, deathly sick. You talk about a ‘month’s vacation’⁠—and I get just as sick. I’m rattled⁠—I can’t plan⁠—I haven’t got any plans⁠—can’t make any, except to take my girl and get just as far away from that office as I can⁠—and stay. We’re going to Japan first, and if we⁠—”

His father rustled the paper. “I said goodbye, Roscoe.”

“Goodbye,” said Roscoe, listlessly.