The Canterbury Tales · The Pardoner’s Tale · The Tale 3505 (1/2)

The Tale3505

Lordings (quoth he), in churchë when I preach,

I painë me3506 to have an hautein3507 speech,

And ring it out, as round as doth a bell,

For I know all by rotë that I tell.

My theme is always one, and ever was;

Radix malorum est cupiditas.3508

First I pronouncë whencë that I come,

And then my bullës shew I all and some;

Our liegë lordë’s seal on my patént,

That shew I first, my body to warrent,3509

That no man be so hardy, priest nor clerk,

Me to disturb of Christë’s holy werk.

And after that then tell I forth my tales.

Bullës of popës, and of cardinales,

Of patriarchs, and of bishóps I shew,

And in Latín I speak a wordës few,

To savour with my predicatión,

And for to stir men to devotión

Then show I forth my longë crystal stones,

Y-crammed fall of cloutës3510 and of bones;

Relics they be, as weenë they3511 each one.

Then have I in latoun3512 a shoulder-bone

Which that was of a holy Jewë’s sheep.

“Good men,” say I, “take of my wordës keep;3513

If that this bone be wash’d in any well,

If cow, or calf, or sheep, or oxë swell,

That any worm hath eat, or worm y-stung,

Take water of that well, and wash his tongue,

And it is whole anon; and farthermore

Of pockës, and of scab, and every sore

Shall every sheep be whole, that of this well

Drinketh a draught; take keep3514 of that I tell.

“If that the goodman, that the beastës oweth,3515

Will every week, ere that the cock him croweth,

Fasting, y-drinken of this well a draught,

As thilkë holy Jew our elders taught,

His beastës and his store shall multiply.

And, Sirs, also it healeth jealousy;

For though a man be fall’n in jealous rage,

Let make with this water his pottáge,

And never shall he more his wife mistrist,3516

Though he the sooth of her defaultë wist;

All3517 had she taken priestës two or three.

Here is a mittain3518 eke, that ye may see;

He that his hand will put in this mittáin,

He shall have multiplying of his grain,

When he hath sowen, be it wheat or oats,

So that he offer pence, or ellës groats.

And, men and women, one thing warn I you;

If any wight be in this churchë now

That hath done sin horríble, so that he

Dare not for shame of it y-shriven3519 be;

Or any woman, be she young or old,

That hath y-made her husband cokëwold,3520

Such folk shall have no power nor no grace

To offer to my relics in this place.

And whoso findeth him out of such blame,

He will come up and offer in God’s name;

And I assoil him by the authority

Which that by bull y-granted was to me.”

By this gaud3521 have I wonnë year by year

A hundred marks, since I was pardonére.

I standë like a clerk in my pulpit,

And when the lewëd3522 people down is set,

I preachë so as ye have heard before,

And tellë them a hundred japës3523 more.

Then pain I me to stretchë forth my neck,

And east and west upon the people I beck,

As doth a dovë, sitting on a bern;3524

My handës and my tonguë go so yern,3525

That it is joy to see my business.

Of avarice and of such cursedness3526

Is all my preaching, for to make them free

To give their pence, and namely3527 unto me.

For mine intent is not but for to win,

And nothing for correctión of sin.

I reckë never, when that they be buried,

Though that their soulës go a blackburied.3528

For certes many a predicatión

Cometh oft-time of evil intentión;3529

Some for pleasánce of folk, and flattery,

To be advanced by hypocrisy;

And some for vainglory, and some for hate.

For, when I dare not otherwise debate,

Then will I sting him with my tonguë smart3530

In preaching, so that he shall not astart3531

To be defamed falsely, if that he

Hath trespass’d3532 to my brethren or to me.

For, though I tellë not his proper name,

Men shall well knowë that it is the same

By signës, and by other circumstánces.

Thus quite I3533 folk that do us displeasánces:

Thus spit I out my venom, under hue

Of holiness, to seem holy and true.

But, shortly mine intent I will devise,

I preach of nothing but of covetise.

Therefore my theme is yet, and ever was⁠—

Radix malorum est cupiditas.

Thus can I preach against the samë vice

Which that I use, and that is avarice.

But though myself be guilty in that sin,

Yet can I maken other folk to twin3534

From avarice, and sorë them repent.

But that is not my principal intent;

I preachë nothing but for covetise.

Of this mattére it ought enough suffice.

Then tell I them examples many a one,

Of oldë stories longë timë gone;

For lewëd3535 people lovë talës old;

Such thingës can they well report and hold.

What? trowë ye, that whilës I may preach

And winnë gold and silver for3536 I teach,

That I will live in povert’ wilfully?

Nay, nay, I thought it never truëly.

For I will preach and beg in sundry lands;

I will not do no labour with mine hands,

Nor makë baskets for to live thereby,

Because I will not beggen idlely.

I will none of the apostles counterfeit;3537

I will have money, wool, and cheese, and wheat,

All3538 were it given of the poorest page,

Or of the poorest widow in a villáge:

All3539 should her children stervë3540 for famíne.

Nay, I will drink the liquor of the vine,

And have a jolly wench in every town.

But hearken, lordings, in conclusioún;

Your liking is, that I shall tell a tale

Now I have drunk a draught of corny ale,

By God, I hope I shall you tell a thing

That shall by reason be to your likíng;

For though myself be a full vicious man,

A moral tale yet I you tellë can,

Which I am wont to preachë, for to win.

Now hold your peace, my tale I will begin.

In Flanders whilom was a company

Of youngë folkës, that hauntéd follý,

As riot, hazard, stewës, and tavérns;

Where as with lutës, harpës, and gitérns,3541

They dance and play at dice both day and night,

And eat also, and drink over their might;

Through which they do the devil sacrifice

Within the devil’s temple, in cursed wise,

By superfluity abomináble.

Their oathës be so great and so damnáble,

That it is grisly3542 for to hear them swear.

Our blissful Lordë’s body they to-tear;3543

Them thought the Jewës rent him not enough;

And each of them at other’s sinnë lough.3544

And right anon in comë tombesteres3545

Fetis3546 and small, and youngë fruitesteres.3547

Singers with harpës, baudës,3548 waferers,3549

Which be the very devil’s officers,

To kindle and blow the fire of lechery,

That is annexed unto gluttony.

The Holy Writ take I to my witnéss,

That luxury is in wine and drunkenness.3550

Lo, how that drunken Lot unkindëly3551

Lay by his daughters two unwittingly,

So drunk he was he knew not what he wrought.

Heródes, who so well the stories sought,3552

When he of wine replete was at his feast,

Right at his owen table gave his hest3553

To slay the Baptist John full guiltëless.

Seneca saith a good word, doubtëless:

He saith he can no differencë find

Betwixt a man that is out of his mind,

And a man whichë that is drunkelew:3554

But that woodnéss,3555 y-fallen in a shrew,3556

Persevereth longer than drunkenness.

O gluttony, full of all cursedness;

O cause first of our confusión,

Original of our damnatión,

Till Christ had bought us with his blood again!

Lookë, how dearë, shortly for to sayn,

Abought3557 was first this cursed villainy:

Corrupt was all this world for gluttony.

Adam our father, and his wife also,

From Paradise, to labour and to woe,

Were driven for that vice, it is no dread.3558

For while that Adam fasted, as I read,

He was in Paradise; and when that he

Ate of the fruit defended3559 of the tree,

Anon he was cast out to woe and pain.

O gluttony! well ought us on thee plain.

Oh! wist a man how many maladies

Follow of éxcess and of gluttonies,

He wouldë be the morë measuráble3560

Of his dietë, sitting at his table.

Alas! the shortë throat, the tender mouth,

Maketh that east and west, and north and south,

In earth, in air, in water, men do swink3561

To get a glutton dainty meat and drink.

Of this mattére, O Paul! well canst thou treat

Meat unto womb, and womb eke unto meat,

Shall God destroyë both, as Paulus saith.3562

Alas! a foul thing is it, by my faith,

To say this word, and fouler is the deed,

When man so drinketh of the white and red,3563

That of his throat he maketh his privý

Through thilkë cursed superfluity

The apostle saith,3564 weeping full piteously,

There walk many, of which you told have I⁠—

I say it now weeping with piteous voice⁠—

That they be enemies of Christë’s crois;3565

Of which the end is death; womb is their God.

O womb, O belly, stinking is thy cod,3566

Full fill’d of dung and of corruptioún;

At either end of thee foul is the soun’.

How great laboúr and cost is thee to find

These cookës how they stamp, and strain, and grind,

And turnë substance into accident,

To fúlfil all thy likerous talent!

Out of the hardë bonës knockë they

The marrow, for they castë naught away

That may go through the gullet soft and swoot3568

Of spicery and leaves, of bark and root,

Shall be his sauce y-maked by delight,

To make him have a newer appetite.

But, certes, he that haunteth such delices

Is dead while that he liveth in those vices.

A lecherous thing is wine, and drunkenness

Is full of striving and of wretchedness.

O drunken man! disfigur’d is thy face,3569

Sour is thy breath, foul art thou to embrace:

And through thy drunken nose sowneth the soun’,

As though thous saidest aye, Samsoún! Samsoún!

And yet, God wot, Samson drank never wine.

Thou fallest as it were a sticked swine;

Thy tongue is lost, and all thine honest cure;3570

For drunkenness is very sepultúre

Of mannë’s wit and his discretión.

In whom that drink hath dominatión,

He can no counsel keep, it is no dread.3571

Now keep you from the white and from the red,

And namely3572 from the whitë wine of Lepe,3573

That is to sell in Fish Street3574 and in Cheap.

This wine of Spainë creepeth subtilly

In other winës growing fastë by,

Of which there riseth such fumosity,

That when a man hath drunken draughtës three,

And weeneth that he be at home in Cheap,

He is in Spain, right at the town of Lepe,

Not at the Róchelle, nor at Bourdeaux town;

And thennë will he say, Samsoún! Samsoún!

But hearken, lordings, one word, I you pray,

That all the sov’reign actës, dare I say,

Of victories in the Old Testament,

Through very God that is omnipotent,

Were done in abstinence and in prayére:

Look in the Bible, and there ye may it lear.3575

Look, Attila, the greatë conqueror,

Died in his sleep,3576 with shame and dishonór,

Bleeding aye at his nose in drunkenness:

A captain should aye live in soberness.

And o’er all this, advisë3577 you right well

What was commanded unto Lemuel;

Not Samuel, but Lemuel, say I.

Readë the Bible,3578 and find it expresslý

Of wine giving to them that have justíce.

No more of this, for it may well suffice.

And, now that I have spoke of gluttony,

Now will I you defendë hazardry.3579

Hazárd is very mother of leasíngs,3580

And of deceit, and cursed forswearíngs:

Blasphem’ of Christ, manslaughter, and waste also

Of chattel3581 and of time; and furthermo’

It is repreve,3582 and contrar’ of honoúr,

For to be held a common hazardoúr.

And ever the higher he is of estate,

The morë he is holden desolate.3583

If that a princë usë hazardry,

In allë governance and policy

He is, as by commón opinión,

Y-hold the less in reputatión.

Chilon, that was a wise ambassador,

Was sent to Corinth with full great honór

From Lacedaemon,3584 to make álliánce;

And when he came, it happen’d him, by chance,

That all the greatest that were of that land,

Y-playing attë hazard he them fand.

For which, as soon as that it mightë be,

He stole him home again to his countrý.

And saidë there, “I will not lose my name,

Nor will I take on me so great diffame,3585

You to ally unto no hazardors.3586

Sendë some other wise ambassadors,

For, by my troth, me werë lever3587 die,

Than I should you to hazardors ally.

For ye, that be so glorious in honoúrs,

Shall not ally you to no hazardoúrs,

As by my will, nor as by my treatý.”

This wisë philosópher thus said he.

Look eke how to the King Demetrius

The King of Parthes, as the book saith us,

Sent him a pair of dice of gold in scorn,

For he had used hazard therebeforn:

For which he held his glory and renown

At no valúe or reputatioún.

Lordës may finden other manner play

Honest enough to drive the day away.

Now will I speak of oathës false and great

A word or two, as oldë bookës treat.

Great swearing is a thing abomináble,

And false swearing is morë reprováble.

The highë God forbade swearing at all;

Witness on Matthew:3588 but in special

Of swearing saith the holy Jeremie,3589

Thou shalt swear sooth thine oathës, and not lie:

And swear in doom,3590 and eke in righteousness;

But idle swearing is a cursedness.3591

Behold and see, there in the firstë table

Of highë Goddë’s hestës3592 honouráble,

How that the second best of him is this,

Take not my name in idle3593 or amiss.

Lo, rather3594 he forbiddeth such swearíng,

Than homicide, or many a cursed thing;

I say that as by order thus it standeth;

This knoweth he that his hests understandeth,

How that the second hest of God is that.

And farthermore, I will thee tell all plat,3595

That vengeance shall not partë from his house,

That of his oathës is outrageoús.

“By Goddë’s precious heart, and by his nails,3596

And by the blood of Christ, that is in Hailes,3597

Seven is my chance, and thine is cinque and trey:

By Goddë’s armës, if thou falsely play,

This dagger shall throughout thine heartë go.”

This fruit comes of the bicched3598 bonës two,

Forswearing, ire, falseness, and homicide.

Now, for the love of Christ that for us died,

Leavë your oathës, bothë great and smale.

But, Sirs, now will I ell you forth my tale.