Mary Olivier: A Life · Book V · Chapter XXXV · Chapter 35 11

I used to think there was nothing I couldn’t give up for Richard.

Could I give up this? If I had to choose between losing Richard and losing this? (I suppose it would be generally considered that I had lost Richard.) If I had had to choose seven years ago, before I knew, I’d have chosen Richard; I couldn’t have helped myself. But if I had to choose now⁠—knowing what reality is⁠—between losing Richard in the way I have lost him and losing reality, absolutely and forever, losing, absolutely and forever, my real self, knowing that I’d lost it?⁠ ⁠…

If there’s anything in it at all, losing my real self would be losing Richard, losing Richard’s real self absolutely and forever. Knowing reality is knowing that you can’t lose it. That or nothing.