Getting Married (2/2) (5/12)

| Sykes | Coming to the Bishop, and addressing him with dogged desperation. I’ve come here to say this. When I proposed to Edith I was in utter ignorance of what I was letting myself in for legally. Having given my word, I will stand to it. You have me at your mercy: marry me if you insist. But take notice that I protest. He sits down distractedly in the railed chair. | | | Both highly incensed. | | The General | What the devil do you mean by this? What the⁠— | | Reginald | Confound your impertinence, what do you⁠— | | | | | Hotchkiss | Easy, Rejjy. Easy, old man. Steady, steady. Reginald* subsides into his chair. Hotchkiss sits on his right, appeasing him. | | The Bishop | No, please, Rej. Control yourself, Boxer, I beg you. | | The General | I tell you I can’t control myself. I’ve been controlling myself for the last half-hour until I feel like bursting. He sits down furiously at the end of the table next the study. | | Sykes | Pointing to the simmering Reginald and the boiling General. That’s just it, Bishop. Edith is her uncle’s niece. She can’t control herself any more than they can. And she’s a Bishop’s daughter. That means that she’s engaged in social work of all sorts: organizing shop assistants and sweated work girls and all that. When her blood boils about it (and it boils at least once a week) she doesn’t care what she says. | | Reginald | Well: you knew that when you proposed to her. | | Sykes | Yes; but I didn’t know that when we were married I should be legally responsible if she libelled anybody, though all her property is protected against me as if I were the lowest thief and cadger. This morning somebody sent me Belfort Bax’s essays on Men’s Wrongs; and they have been a perfect eye-opener to me. Bishop: I’m not thinking of myself: I would face anything for Edith. But my mother and sisters are wholly dependent on my property. I’d rather have to cut off an inch from my right arm than a hundred a year from my mother’s income. I owe everything to her care of me. Edith, in dressing-jacket and petticoat, comes in through the tower, swiftly and determinedly, pamphlet in hand, principles up in arms, more of a bishop than her father, yet as much a gentlewoman as her mother. She is the typical spoilt child of a clerical household: almost as terrible a product as the typical spoilt child of a Bohemian household: that is, all her childish affectations of conscientious scruple and religious impulse have been applauded and deferred to until she has become an ethical snob of the first water. Her father’s sense of humor and her mother’s placid balance have done something to save her humanity; but her impetuous temper and energetic will, unrestrained by any touch of humor or scepticism, carry everything before them. Imperious and dogmatic, she takes command of the party at once. | | Edith | Standing behind Cecil’s chair. Cecil: I heard your voice. I must speak to you very particularly. Papa: go away. Go away everybody. | | The Bishop | Crossing to the study door. I think there can be no doubt that Edith wishes us to retire. Come. He stands in the doorway, waiting for them to follow. | | Sykes | That’s it, you see. It’s just this outspokenness that makes my position hard, much as I admire her for it. | | Edith | Do you want me to flatter and be untruthful? | | Sykes | No, not exactly that. | | Edith | Does anybody want me to flatter and be untruthful? | | Hotchkiss | Well, since you ask me, I do. Surely it’s the very first qualification for tolerable social intercourse. | | The General | Markedly. I hope you will always tell me the truth, my darling, at all events. | | Edith | Complacently coming to the fireplace. You can depend on me for that, Uncle Boxer. | | Hotchkiss | Are you sure you have any adequate idea of what the truth about a military man really is? | | Reginald | Aggressively. What’s the truth about you, I wonder? | | Hotchkiss | Oh, quite unfit for publication in its entirety. If Miss Bridgenorth begins telling it, I shall have to leave the room. | | Reginald | I’m not at all surprised to hear it. Rising. But what’s it got to do with our business here today? Is it you that’s going to be married or is it Edith? | | Hotchkiss | I’m so sorry, I get so interested in myself that I thrust myself into the front of every discussion in the most insufferable way. Reginald, with an exclamation of disgust, crosses the kitchen towards the study door. But, my dear Rejjy, are you quite sure that Miss Bridgenorth is going to be married? Are you, Miss Bridgenorth? | | | Before Edith has time to answer her mother returns with Leo and Lesbia. | | Leo | Yes, here she is, of course. I told you I heard her dash downstairs. She comes to the end of the table next the fireplace. | | Mrs. Bridgenorth | Transfixed in the middle of the kitchen. And Cecil!! | | Lesbia | And Sinjon! | | The Bishop | Edith wishes to speak to Cecil. Mrs. Bridgenorth comes to him. Lesbia goes into the garden, as before. Let us go into my study. | | Leo | But she must come and dress. Look at the hour! | | Mrs. Bridgenorth | Come, Leo dear. Leo follows her reluctantly. They are about to go into the study with the Bishop. | | Hotchkiss | Do you know, Miss Bridgenorth, I should most awfully like to hear what you have to say to poor Cecil. | | Reginald | Scandalized. Well! | | Edith | Who is poor Cecil, pray? | | Hotchkiss | One always calls a man that on his wedding morning: I don’t know why. I’m his best man, you know. Don’t you think it gives me a certain right to be present in Cecil’s interest? | | The General | Gravely. There is such a thing as delicacy, Mr. Hotchkiss. | | Hotchkiss | There is such a thing as curiosity, General. | | The General | Furious. Delicacy is thrown away here, Alfred. Edith: you had better take Sykes into the study. | | | The group at the study door breaks up. The General flings himself into the last chair on the long side of the table, near the garden door. Leo sits at the end, next him, and Mrs. Bridgenorth next Leo. Reginald returns to the oak chest, to be near Leo; and the Bishop goes to his wife and stands by her. | | Hotchkiss | To Edith. Of course I’ll go if you wish me to. But Cecil’s objection to go through with it was so entirely on public grounds⁠— | | Edith | With quick suspicion. His objection? | | Sykes | Sinjon: you have no right to say that. I expressly said that I’m ready to go through with it. | | Edith | Cecil: do you mean to say that you have been raising difficulties about our marriage? | | Sykes | I raise no difficulty. But I do beg you to be careful what you say about people. You must remember, my dear, that when we are married I shall be responsible for everything you say. Only last week you said on a public platform that Slattox and Chinnery were scoundrels. They could have got a thousand pounds damages apiece from me for that if we’d been married at the time. | | Edith | Austerely. I never said anything of the sort. I never stoop to mere vituperation: what would my girls say of me if I did? I chose my words most carefully. I said they were tyrants, liars, and thieves; and so they are. Slattox is even worse. | | Hotchkiss | I’m afraid that would be at least five thousand pounds. | | Sykes | If it were only myself, I shouldn’t care. But my mother and sisters! I’ve no right to sacrifice them. | | Edith | You needn’t be alarmed. I’m not going to be married. | | All The Rest | Not! | | Sykes | In consternation. Edith! Are you throwing me over? | | Edith | How can I? you have been beforehand with me. | | Sykes | On my honor, no. All I said was that I didn’t know the law when I asked you to be my wife. | | Edith | And you wouldn’t have asked me if you had. Is that it? | | Sykes | No. I should have asked you for my sake be a little more careful⁠—not to ruin me uselessly. | | Edith | You think the truth useless? | | Hotchkiss | Much worse than useless, I assure you. Frequently most mischievous. | | Edith | Sinjon: hold your tongue. You are a chatterbox and a fool! | | | Shocked. | | Mrs. Bridgenorth | Edith! | | The Bishop | My love! | | Hotchkiss | Mildly. I shall not take an action, Cecil. | | Edith | To Hotchkiss. Sorry; but you are old enough to know better. To the others. And now since there is to be no wedding, we had better get back to our work. Mamma: will you tell Collins to cut up the wedding cake into thirty-three pieces for the club girls? My not being married is no reason why they should be disappointed. She turns to go. | | Hotchkiss | Gallantly. If you’ll allow me to take Cecil’s place, Miss Bridgenorth⁠— | | Leo | Sinjon! | | Hotchkiss | Oh, I forgot. I beg your pardon. To Edith, apologetically. A prior engagement. | | Edith | What! You and Leo! I thought so. Well, hadn’t you two better get married at once? I don’t approve of long engagements. The breakfast’s ready: the cake’s ready: everything’s ready. I’ll lend Leo my veil and things. | | The Bishop | I’m afraid they must wait until the decree is made absolute, my dear. And the license is not transferable. | | Edith | Oh well, it can’t be helped. Is there anything else before I go off to the Club? | | Sykes | You don’t seem much disappointed, Edith. I can’t help saying that much. | | Edith | And you can’t help looking enormously relieved, Cecil. We shan’t be any worse friends, shall we? | | Sykes | Distractedly. Of course not. Still⁠—I’m perfectly ready⁠—at least⁠—if it were not for my mother⁠—Oh, I don’t know what to do. I’ve been so fond of you; and when the worry of the wedding was over I should have been so fond of you again⁠— | | Edith | Petting him. Come, come! don’t make a scene, dear. You’re quite right. I don’t think a woman doing public work ought to get married unless her husband feels about it as she does. I don’t blame you at all for throwing me over. | | Reginald | Bouncing off the chest, and passing behind the General to the other end of the table. No: dash it! I’m not going to stand this. Why is the man always to be put in the wrong? Be honest, Edith. Why weren’t you dressed? Were you going to throw him over? If you were, take your fair share of the blame; and don’t put it all on him. | | Hotchkiss | Sweetly. Would it not be better⁠— | | Reginald | Violently. Now look here, Hotchkiss. Who asked you to cut in? Is your name Edith? Am I your uncle? | | Hotchkiss | I wish you were: I should like to have an uncle, Reginald. | | Reginald | Yah! Sykes: are you ready to marry Edith or are you not? | | Sykes | I’ve already said that I’m quite ready. A promise is a promise. | | Reginald | We don’t want to know whether a promise is a promise or not. Can’t you answer yes or no without spoiling it and setting Hotchkiss here grinning like a Cheshire cat? If she puts on her veil and goes to Church, will you marry her? | | Sykes | Certainly. Yes. | | Reginald | That’s all right. Now, Edie, put on your veil and off with you to the church. The bridegroom’s waiting. He sits down at the table. | | Edith | Is it understood that Slattox and Chinnery are liars and thieves, and that I hope by next Wednesday to have in my hands conclusive evidence that Slattox is something much worse? | | Sykes | I made no conditions as to that when I proposed to you; and now I can’t go back. I hope Providence will spare my poor mother. I say again I’m ready to marry you. | | Edith | Then I think you show great weakness of character; and instead of taking advantage of it I shall set you a better example. I want to know is this true. She produces a pamphlet and takes it to the Bishop; then sits down between Hotchkiss and her mother. | | The Bishop | Reading the title. Do You Know What You Are Going to Do? by a Woman Who Has Done It. May I ask, my dear, what she did? | | Edith | She got married. When she had three children⁠—the eldest only four years old⁠—her husband committed a murder, and then attempted to commit suicide, but only succeeded in disfiguring himself. Instead of hanging him, they sent him to penal servitude for life, for the sake, they said, of his wife and infant children. And she could not get a divorce from that horrible murderer. They would not even keep him imprisoned for life. For twenty years she had to live singly, bringing up her children by her own work, and knowing that just when they were grown up and beginning life, this dreadful creature would be let out to disgrace them all, and prevent the two girls getting decently married, and drive the son out of the country perhaps. Is that really the law? Am I to understand that if Cecil commits a murder, or forges, or steals, or becomes an atheist, I can’t get divorced from him? | | The Bishop | Yes, my dear. That is so. You must take him for better for worse. | | Edith | Then I most certainly refuse to enter into any such wicked contract. What sort of servants? what sort of friends? what sort of Prime Ministers should we have if we took them for better for worse for all their lives? We should simply encourage them in every sort of wickedness. Surely my husband’s conduct is of more importance to me than Mr. Balfour’s or Mr. Asquith’s. If I had known the law I would never have consented. I don’t believe any woman would if she realized what she was doing. | | Sykes | But I’m not going to commit murder. | | Edith | How do you know? I’ve sometimes wanted to murder Slattox. Have you never wanted to murder somebody, Uncle Rejjy? | | Reginald | At Hotchkiss, with intense expression. Yes. | | Leo | Rejjy! | | Reginald | I said yes; and I mean yes. There was one night, Hotchkiss, when I jolly near shot you and Leo and finished up with myself; and that’s the truth. | | Leo | Suddenly whimpering. Oh Rejjy. She runs to him and kisses him. | | Reginald | Wrathfully. Be off. She returns weeping to her seat. | | Mrs. Bridgenorth | Petting Leo*, but speaking to the company at large. But isn’t all this great nonsense? What likelihood is there of any of us committing a crime? | | Hotchkiss | Oh yes, I assure you. I went into the matter once very carefully; and I found things I have actually done⁠—things that everybody does, I imagine⁠—would expose me, if I were found out and prosecuted, to ten years’ penal servitude, two years hard labor, and the loss of all civil rights. Not counting that I’m a private trustee, and, like all private trustees, a fraudulent one. Otherwise, the widow for whom I am trustee would starve occasionally, and the children get no education. And I’m probably as honest a man as any here. | | The General | Outraged. Do you imply that I have been guilty of conduct that would expose me to penal servitude? | | Hotchkiss | I should think it quite likely, but of course I don’t know. | | Mrs. Bridgenorth | But bless me! marriage is not a question of law, is it? Have you children no affection for one another? Surely that’s enough? | | Hotchkiss | If it’s enough, why get married? | | Mrs. Bridgenorth | Stuff, Sinjon! Of course people must get married. Uneasily. Alfred: why don’t you say something? Surely you’re not going to let this go on. | | The General | I’ve been waiting for the last twenty minutes, Alfred, in amazement! in stupefaction! to hear you put a stop to all this. We look to you: it’s your place, your office, your duty. Exert your authority at once. |