Heartbreak House · Act II (2/2) (5/6)

| Ellie | No. But I thought you were very wise, and might help me. Now I have found you out. You pretend to be busy, and think of fine things to say, and run in and out to surprise people by saying them, and get away before they can answer you. | | Captain Shotover | It confuses me to be answered. It discourages me. I cannot bear men and women. I have to run away. I must run away now. He tries to. | | Ellie | Again seizing his arm. You shall not run away from me. I can hypnotize you. You are the only person in the house I can say what I like to. I know you are fond of me. Sit down. She draws him to the sofa. | | Captain Shotover | Yielding. Take care: I am in my dotage. Old men are dangerous: it doesn’t matter to them what is going to happen to the world. | | | They sit side by side on the sofa. She leans affectionately against him with her head on his shoulder and her eyes half closed. | | Ellie | Dreamily. I should have thought nothing else mattered to old men. They can’t be very interested in what is going to happen to themselves. | | Captain Shotover | A man’s interest in the world is only the overflow from his interest in himself. When you are a child your vessel is not yet full; so you care for nothing but your own affairs. When you grow up, your vessel overflows; and you are a politician, a philosopher, or an explorer and adventurer. In old age the vessel dries up: there is no overflow: you are a child again. I can give you the memories of my ancient wisdom: mere scraps and leavings; but I no longer really care for anything but my own little wants and hobbies. I sit here working out my old ideas as a means of destroying my fellow-creatures. I see my daughters and their men living foolish lives of romance and sentiment and snobbery. I see you, the younger generation, turning from their romance and sentiment and snobbery to money and comfort and hard common sense. I was ten times happier on the bridge in the typhoon, or frozen into Arctic ice for months in darkness, than you or they have ever been. You are looking for a rich husband. At your age I looked for hardship, danger, horror, and death, that I might feel the life in me more intensely. I did not let the fear of death govern my life; and my reward was, I had my life. You are going to let the fear of poverty govern your life; and your reward will be that you will eat, but you will not live. | | Ellie | Sitting up impatiently. But what can I do? I am not a sea captain: I can’t stand on bridges in typhoons, or go slaughtering seals and whales in Greenland’s icy mountains. They won’t let women be captains. Do you want me to be a stewardess? | | Captain Shotover | There are worse lives. The stewardesses could come ashore if they liked; but they sail and sail and sail. | | Ellie | What could they do ashore but marry for money? I don’t want to be a stewardess: I am too bad a sailor. Think of something else for me. | | Captain Shotover | I can’t think so long and continuously. I am too old. I must go in and out. He tries to rise. | | Ellie | Pulling him back. You shall not. You are happy here, aren’t you? | | Captain Shotover | I tell you it’s dangerous to keep me. I can’t keep awake and alert. | | Ellie | What do you run away for? To sleep? | | Captain Shotover | No. To get a glass of rum. | | Ellie | Frightfully disillusioned. Is that it? How disgusting! Do you like being drunk? | | Captain Shotover | No: I dread being drunk more than anything in the world. To be drunk means to have dreams; to go soft; to be easily pleased and deceived; to fall into the clutches of women. Drink does that for you when you are young. But when you are old: very very old, like me, the dreams come by themselves. You don’t know how terrible that is: you are young: you sleep at night only, and sleep soundly. But later on you will sleep in the afternoon. Later still you will sleep even in the morning; and you will awake tired, tired of life. You will never be free from dozing and dreams; the dreams will steal upon your work every ten minutes unless you can awaken yourself with rum. I drink now to keep sober; but the dreams are conquering: rum is not what it was: I have had ten glasses since you came; and it might be so much water. Go get me another: Guinness knows where it is. You had better see for yourself the horror of an old man drinking. | | Ellie | You shall not drink. Dream. I like you to dream. You must never be in the real world when we talk together. | | Captain Shotover | I am too weary to resist, or too weak. I am in my second childhood. I do not see you as you really are. I can’t remember what I really am. I feel nothing but the accursed happiness I have dreaded all my life long: the happiness that comes as life goes, the happiness of yielding and dreaming instead of resisting and doing, the sweetness of the fruit that is going rotten. | | Ellie | You dread it almost as much as I used to dread losing my dreams and having to fight and do things. But that is all over for me: my dreams are dashed to pieces. I should like to marry a very old, very rich man. I should like to marry you. I had much rather marry you than marry Mangan. Are you very rich? | | Captain Shotover | No. Living from hand to mouth. And I have a wife somewhere in Jamaica: a black one. My first wife. Unless she’s dead. | | Ellie | What a pity! I feel so happy with you. She takes his hand, almost unconsciously, and pats it. I thought I should never feel happy again. | | Captain Shotover | Why? | | Ellie | Don’t you know? | | Captain Shotover | No. | | Ellie | Heartbreak. I fell in love with Hector, and didn’t know he was married. | | Captain Shotover | Heartbreak? Are you one of those who are so sufficient to themselves that they are only happy when they are stripped of everything, even of hope? | | Ellie | Gripping the hand. It seems so; for I feel now as if there was nothing I could not do, because I want nothing. | | Captain Shotover | That’s the only real strength. That’s genius. That’s better than rum. | | Ellie | Throwing away his hand. Rum! Why did you spoil it? | | | Hector* and Randall come in from the garden through the starboard door. | | Hector | I beg your pardon. We did not know there was anyone here. | | Ellie | Rising. That means that you want to tell Mr. Randall the story about the tiger. Come, Captain: I want to talk to my father; and you had better come with me. | | Captain Shotover | Rising. Nonsense! the man is in bed. | | Ellie | Aha! I’ve caught you. My real father has gone to bed; but the father you gave me is in the kitchen. You knew quite well all along. Come. She draws him out into the garden with her through the port door. | | Hector | That’s an extraordinary girl. She has the Ancient Mariner on a string like a Pekinese dog. | | Randall | Now that they have gone, shall we have a friendly chat? | | Hector | You are in what is supposed to be my house. I am at your disposal. | | | Hector sits down in the draughtsman’s chair, turning it to face Randall, who remains standing, leaning at his ease against the carpenter’s bench. | | Randall | I take it that we may be quite frank. I mean about Lady Utterword. | | Hector | You may. I have nothing to be frank about. I never met her until this afternoon. | | Randall | Straightening up. What! But you are her sister’s husband. | | Hector | Well, if you come to that, you are her husband’s brother. | | Randall | But you seem to be on intimate terms with her. | | Hector | So do you. | | Randall | Yes: but I am on intimate terms with her. I have known her for years. | | Hector | It took her years to get to the same point with you that she got to with me in five minutes, it seems. | | Randall | Vexed. Really, Ariadne is the limit. He moves away huffishly towards the windows. | | Hector | Coolly. She is, as I remarked to Hesione, a very enterprising woman. | | Randall | Returning, much troubled. You see, Hushabye, you are what women consider a good-looking man. | | Hector | I cultivated that appearance in the days of my vanity; and Hesione insists on my keeping it up. She makes me wear these ridiculous things indicating his Arab costume because she thinks me absurd in evening dress. | | Randall | Still, you do keep it up, old chap. Now, I assure you I have not an atom of jealousy in my disposition. | | Hector | The question would seem to be rather whether your brother has any touch of that sort. | | Randall | What! Hastings! Oh, don’t trouble about Hastings. He has the gift of being able to work sixteen hours a day at the dullest detail, and actually likes it. That gets him to the top wherever he goes. As long as Ariadne takes care that he is fed regularly, he is only too thankful to anyone who will keep her in good humor for him. | | Hector | And as she has all the Shotover fascination, there is plenty of competition for the job, eh? | | Randall | Angrily. She encourages them. Her conduct is perfectly scandalous. I assure you, my dear fellow, I haven’t an atom of jealousy in my composition; but she makes herself the talk of every place she goes to by her thoughtlessness. It’s nothing more: she doesn’t really care for the men she keeps hanging about her; but how is the world to know that? It’s not fair to Hastings. It’s not fair to me. | | Hector | Her theory is that her conduct is so correct⁠— | | Randall | Correct! She does nothing but make scenes from morning till night. You be careful, old chap. She will get you into trouble: that is, she would if she really cared for you. | | Hector | Doesn’t she? | | Randall | Not a scrap. She may want your scalp to add to her collection; but her true affection has been engaged years ago. You had really better be careful. | | Hector | Do you suffer much from this jealousy? | | Randall | Jealousy! I jealous! My dear fellow, haven’t I told you that there is not an atom of⁠— | | Hector | Yes. And Lady Utterword told me she never made scenes. Well, don’t waste your jealousy on my moustache. Never waste jealousy on a real man: it is the imaginary hero that supplants us all in the long run. Besides, jealousy does not belong to your easy man-of-the-world pose, which you carry so well in other respects. | | Randall | Really, Hushabye, I think a man may be allowed to be a gentleman without being accused of posing. | | Hector | It is a pose like any other. In this house we know all the poses: our game is to find out the man under the pose. The man under your pose is apparently Ellie’s favorite, Othello. | | Randall | Some of your games in this house are damned annoying, let me tell you. | | Hector | Yes: I have been their victim for many years. I used to writhe under them at first; but I became accustomed to them. At last I learned to play them. | | Randall | If it’s all the same to you I had rather you didn’t play them on me. You evidently don’t quite understand my character, or my notions of good form. | | Hector | Is it your notion of good form to give away Lady Utterword? | | Randall | A childishly plaintive note breaking into his huff. I have not said a word against Lady Utterword. This is just the conspiracy over again. | | Hector | What conspiracy? | | Randall | You know very well, sir. A conspiracy to make me out to be pettish and jealous and childish and everything I am not. Everyone knows I am just the opposite. | | Hector | Rising. Something in the air of the house has upset you. It often does have that effect. He goes to the garden door and calls Lady Utterword with commanding emphasis. Ariadne! | | Lady Utterword | At some distance. Yes. | | Randall | What are you calling her for? I want to speak⁠— | | Lady Utterword | Arriving breathless. Yes. You really are a terribly commanding person. What’s the matter? | | Hector | I do not know how to manage your friend Randall. No doubt you do. | | Lady Utterword | Randall: have you been making yourself ridiculous, as usual? I can see it in your face. Really, you are the most pettish creature. | | Randall | You know quite well, Ariadne, that I have not an ounce of pettishness in my disposition. I have made myself perfectly pleasant here. I have remained absolutely cool and imperturbable in the face of a burglar. Imperturbability is almost too strong a point of mine. But putting his foot down with a stamp, and walking angrily up and down the room I insist on being treated with a certain consideration. I will not allow Hushabye to take liberties with me. I will not stand your encouraging people as you do. | | Hector | The man has a rooted delusion that he is your husband. | | Lady Utterword | I know. He is jealous. As if he had any right to be! He compromises me everywhere. He makes scenes all over the place. Randall: I will not allow it. I simply will not allow it. You had no right to discuss me with Hector. I will not be discussed by men. | | Hector | Be reasonable, Ariadne. Your fatal gift of beauty forces men to discuss you. | | Lady Utterword | Oh indeed! what about your fatal gift of beauty? | | Hector | How can I help it? | | Lady Utterword | You could cut off your moustache: I can’t cut off my nose. I get my whole life messed up with people falling in love with me. And then Randall says I run after men. | | Randall | I⁠— | | Lady Utterword | Yes you do: you said it just now. Why can’t you think of something else than women? Napoleon was quite right when he said that women are the occupation of the idle man. Well, if ever there was an idle man on earth, his name is Randall Utterword. | | Randall | Ariad⁠— | | Lady Utterword | Overwhelming him with a torrent of words. Oh yes you are: it’s no use denying it. What have you ever done? What good are you? You are as much trouble in the house as a child of three. You couldn’t live without your valet. | | Randall | This is⁠— | | Lady Utterword | Laziness! You are laziness incarnate. You are selfishness itself. You are the most uninteresting man on earth. You can’t even gossip about anything but yourself and your grievances and your ailments and the people who have offended you. Turning to Hector. Do you know what they call him, Hector? | | | Speaking together. | | Hector Randall | Please don’t tell me. | | I’ll not stand it⁠— | | Lady Utterword | Randall the Rotter: that is his name in good society. | | Randall | Shouting. I’ll not bear it, I tell you. Will you listen to me, you infernal⁠—He chokes. | | Lady Utterword | Well: go on. What were you going to call me? An infernal what? Which unpleasant animal is it to be this time? | | Randall | Foaming. There is no animal in the world so hateful as a woman can be. You are a maddening devil. Hushabye, you will not believe me when I tell you that I have loved this demon all my life; but God knows I have paid for it. He sits down in the draughtsman’s chair, weeping. | | Lady Utterword | Standing over him with triumphant contempt. Crybaby! | | Hector | Gravely, coming to him. My friend, the Shotover sisters have two strange powers over men. They can make them love; and they can make them cry. Thank your stars that you are not married to one of them. | | Lady Utterword | Haughtily. And pray, Hector⁠— | | Hector | Suddenly catching her round the shoulders: swinging her right round him and away from Randall*: and gripping her throat with the other hand. Ariadne, if you attempt to start on me, I’ll choke you: do you hear? The cat-and-mouse game with the other sex is a good game; but I can play your head off at it. He throws her, not at all gently, into the big chair, and proceeds, less fiercely but firmly. It is true that Napoleon said that woman is the occupation of the idle man. But he added that she is the relaxation of the warrior. Well, I am the warrior. So take care. | | Lady Utterword | Not in the least put out, and rather pleased by his violence. My dear Hector, I have only done what you asked me to do. |