Hester · Chapter 21 (2/2)

It was very shortly after this that the white horse which drew the old fly from Redborough⁠—the horse which was supposed to have been chosen for this quality, that it could be seen a long way off to console the souls of those who felt it could never arrive in time⁠—was seen upon the road, and the last moment had visibly come. Not the less for the commotion and tumult or other feelings through which her heart had gone, did Hester acknowledge the emotions which belonged to this leave-taking. The depth and sadness of Roland’s eyes⁠—those expressive eyes which said so many things, the pathos of his mouth, the lingering clasp in which he held her hand, all affected her. There was a magic about him which the girl did not resist, though she was conscious of the other side of it, the faint mixture of the fictitious which did not impair its charm. She stood and watched him from the low window of the parlour which looked that way, while the fly was being laden, with a blank countenance. She felt the corners of her mouth droop, her eyes widen, her face grow longer. It was as if all the novelty, the variety, the pleasure of life were going away. It was a dull afternoon, which was at once congenial as suiting the circumstances and oppressive as enhancing the gloom. She watched the portmanteau put in as if she had been watching a funeral. When Roland stepped in after his grandfather, who in the softness of the moment had offered, to the great surprise of everybody, to accompany him to the station, Hester still looked on with melancholy gravity. She was almost on a level with them where she stood looking out; her mother all smiles, kissing her hand beside her. “I wish you would show a little interest, Hester,” Mrs. John said. “You might at least wave your hand. If it were only for the old captain’s sake whom you always profess to be so fond of.” Roland at this moment leant out of the window of the fly and took off his hat to her for the last time. Mrs. John thought it was barbarous to take no notice. She redoubled her own friendly salutations; but Hester stood like a statue, forcing a faint ghost of a smile, but not moving a finger. She stood thus watching them long after they had driven away, till they had almost disappeared in the smoke of Redborough. She saw the fly stop at the Grange and Miss Catherine come out to the door to take leave of him: and then the slow vehicle disappeared altogether. The sky seemed to lean down almost touching the ground; the stagnant afternoon air had not a breath to move it. Hester said to herself that nothing more would happen now. She knew the afternoon atmosphere, the approach of tea, the scent of it in the air, the less ethereal bread-and-butter, and then the long dull evening. It seemed endless to look forward, as if it never would be night. And Mrs. John, as soon as the fly was out of sight, had drawn her chair towards the fire and begun to talk. “I am sure I am very sorry he has gone,” Mrs. John said. “I did not think I should have liked him at first, but I declare I like him very much now. How long is it since he came, Hester? Only a fortnight! I should have said three weeks at least. I think it was quite unnatural of the captain to talk of him as he did, for I am sure he is a very nice young man. Where are you going? not I hope for one of your long walks: for the night closes in very early now, and it will soon be time for tea.”

“Don’t you think, mamma,” said Hester, somewhat hypocritically, “that it would be kind to go in and keep Mrs. Morgan company a little, as she will be quite alone?”

“That is always your way as soon as I show any inclination for a little talk,” said her mother provoked, not without reason. Then she softened, being at heart the most good-natured of women. “Perhaps you are right,” she said, “the old lady will be lonely. Give her my love, and say I should have come to see her myself, but that⁠—” Mrs. John paused for a reason, “but that I am afraid for my neuralgia,” she added triumphantly. “You know how bad it was the other day.”

Thus sanctioned Hester threw her grey “cloud” round her, and ran round to console Mrs. Morgan, while her mother arranged herself comfortably with a footstool, a book upon the table beside her, and her knitting, but with a furtive inclination towards an afternoon nap, which the greyness of the day, the early failing light in the dark wainscoted parlour, and the absence of all movement about her, naturally inclined her to. Mrs. John was at the age when we are very much ashamed of the afternoon nap, and she was well provided with semblances of occupation in case anyone should come. But Mrs. Morgan was far beyond any such simple deceit. Eighty has vast advantages in this way. When she felt disposed to doze a little she was quite pleased, almost proud of the achievement. She had indeed a book on the table with her spectacles carefully folded into it, but she did not require any occupation.

“I had a kind of feeling that you would come, my pet,” she said as Hester appeared. “When I want you very much I think some kind little angel must go and tap you on the shoulder, for you always come.”

“The captain would say it is a brainwave,” said Hester.

“The captain says a great deal of nonsense, my dear,” said the old lady with a smile, “but think of him going with Roland to the station! He has been vanquished, quite vanquished⁠—which is a great pleasure to me. And Emma is coming. I hope she will not wear out the good impression⁠—”

“Is she not so⁠—nice?” Hester asked.

The old lady looked her favourite intently in the face. She saw the too great clearness of Hester’s eyes, and that her mouth was not smiling, but drawn downward; and a vague dread filled her mind. She was full of love and charity, but she was full of insight too; and though she loved Roland, she did not think it would be to the advantage of Hester to love him.

“Roland is very nice,” she said. “Poor boy, perhaps that is his temptation. It is his nature to please whomsoever he comes across. It is a beautiful kind of nature; but I am not sure that it is not very dangerous both for himself⁠—and others.”

It was fortunate that Hester did not divine what her friend meant.

“Dangerous⁠—to please?” she said, with a little curiosity. She liked Roland so much, that even from the lips of those who had more right to him than she had, she did not like to hear blame.

“To wish to please⁠—everybody,” said the old lady. “My poor lad! that is his temptation. Your grandfather, if he were here⁠—my dear, I beg your pardon. I have got into the way of saying it: as if my old man was your grandfather too.”

“I like it,” Hester said, with the only gleam of her usual frank and radiant smile which Mrs. Morgan had yet seen. But this made the old lady only more afraid.

“There is nobody he could be more fatherly to,” she said. “What I meant was that if he were here, he would have something ready out of a book, as you and he are always going on with your poetries; but I never was a poetry woman, as you know. Life is all my learning. And I have seen people that have had plenty of heart, Hester, if they had given it fair play⁠—but frittered it away on one and another, trying to give a piece to each, making each believe that she (for it is mostly upon women that the spell works) was the one above all others. But you are so young, my darling; you will not know what I mean.”

A faint, uneasy colour, came on Hester’s face.

“I think I know what you mean,” she said. “I understand how you should think so of Mr. Ashton. You don’t see so well as you did, dear Mrs. Morgan, when you have not got your spectacles on. If you did, you would see that when he talks like that, he is ready to laugh all the time.”

“Is that so, my love? Then I am very glad to hear you say so,” cried the old lady. But she knew very well that her supposed want of sight was a delusion, and that Hester knew it was only for reading that she ever used her spectacles. She felt, however, all the more that her warning had been taken, and that it was unnecessary to proceed further. “You are young and sweet,” she said, “my dear: but the best thing still is that you have sense. Oh, what it is to have sense! it is the best blessing in life.”

Hester made no reply to this praise. Her heart was beating more quickly than usual. What she had said was quite true: but all the time, though he had been ready to laugh, and though she had been ready to laugh, she was aware that there was something more. The tone of banter had not been all. The sense of something humorous, under those high-flown phrases, had not exhausted them. She was intended to laugh, indeed, if they did not secure another sentiment; but the first aim, and perhaps the last aim, of the insidious Roland, had been to secure this other sentiment. Hester did not enter into these distinctions, but she felt them; and when she thus put forward Mrs. Morgan’s failing sight, it was with a natural casuistry which she knew would be partially seen through, and yet would have its effect. This made her feel that there was no reply to be made to the praise of her “sense,” which the old lady had given. Was it her cunning that the old lady meant to praise? There was a little silence, and the subject of Roland was put aside, not perhaps quite to the satisfaction of either; but there was nothing more that could be said.

And presently the old captain came back, groaning a little over his long walk.

“Why do you never remind me,” he said, “what an old fool I am? To drive in that jingling affair, and to walk back⁠—two miles if it is a yard⁠—well, then, a mile and a half. My dear, what was half a mile when you and I were young is two miles now, and not an inch less; but I have seen him off the premises. And now, Hester, we shall have our talks again, and our walks again, without any interruption⁠—”

“Do not speak so fast, Rowley. There is Emma coming; and Hester will like a girl to talk with, and to walk with, better than an old fellow like you.”

“That old woman insults me,” said the captain. “She thinks I am as old as she is⁠—but Hester, you and I know better. You are looking anxious, my child. Do you think we are a frivolous old pair talking as we ought not⁠—two old fools upon the brink of the grave?”

“Captain Morgan! I, to have such a thought! And what should I do without you?” cried Hester, in quick alarm. This brought the big tears to her eyes, and perhaps she was glad, for various causes, to have a perfectly honest and comprehensible cause in the midst of her agitation, for those tears.

“This was brought to my mind very clearly today,” said the old captain. “When I saw that young fellow go off, a man in full career of his life, and thought of his parents swept away, the mother whom you know I loved, Mary, as dearly as a man ever loves his child, and the father whom I hated, both so much younger than we are, and both gone for years; and here are we still living, as if we had been forgotten somehow. We just go on in our usual, from day to day, and it seems quite natural; but when you think of all of them⁠—gone⁠—and we two still here⁠—”

“We are not forgotten,” said the old lady, in her easy chair, smiling upon him, folding those old hands which were now laid up from labour, hands that had worked hard in their day. “We have some purpose to serve yet, or we would not be here.”

“I suppose so⁠—I suppose so,” said the old man, with a sigh; and then he struck his stick upon the floor, and cried out, “but not, God forbid it, as the instruments of evil to the house that has sheltered us, Mary! My heart misgives me. I would like at least, before anything comes of it, that we should be out of the way, you and I.”

“You were always a man of little faith,” his wife said. “Why should you go out of your way to meet the evil, that by God’s good grace will never come? It will never come; we have not been preserved for that. You would as soon teach me Job’s lesson as to believe that, my old man.”

“What was Job’s lesson? It was, ‘Though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him,’ ” Captain Morgan said.

“Oh, my Rowley!” cried the old lady, “I was wrong to say you were of little faith! It is you that are the faithful one, and not me. I am just nothing beside you, as I have always been.”

The old captain took his wife’s old hands in his, and gave her a kiss upon her faded cheek, and they smiled upon each other, the two who had been one for nearly sixty years. Meanwhile, Hester sitting by, looked on with large eyes of wonder and almost affright. She did not know what it meant. She could not divine what it could be that made them differ, yet made them agree. What harm could they do to the house that sheltered them, two old, good, peaceful people, who were kind to everybody? She gazed at them with her wondering young eyes, and did what she could to fathom the mystery: then retired from it, thinking it perhaps some little fad of the old people, which she had no knowledge of, nor means of understanding. The best people, Hester thought, when they grew old take strange notions into their heads, and trouble themselves about nothing; and of course they missed Roland. She broke in upon them in that moment of feeling, as soon as she dared speak for wonder, making an effort to amuse them, and bring them back to their usual ways; and that effort was not in vain.