Hester · Chapter 37 (3/3)

Her look as she sat gazing at him was so terrible that he never forgot it. He did not understand it then, nor did he ever after fully understand it. The colour had gone entirely out of her face; her eyes stared at him as out of two deep, wide caves. It was a look of wonder, of dismay, of guilt. “Is he wanted⁠—so much?” she said. Her voice was no more than a whisper, and she gave a furtive glance at the door behind her as if she were afraid someone might hear.

“Oh, wanted⁠—yes! but not enough to make you look like that. Hester, if I had thought you’d have felt it so! Good Lord, what can I do? I thought you might have told me his address. Don’t mind, dear,” cried the tenderhearted young man. “I’ve no right to call you dear, but I can’t help it. If it’s come to this, I’d do anything for him, Hester, for your sake.”

“Oh, never mind me, Harry⁠—it is⁠—nothing. I have got no address: but I know⁠—he’s coming tonight.”

“Then that’s all right,” Harry said. “I wanted to make sure of that. I don’t suppose there is anything to be frightened about so long as he is on the spot you know⁠—he that is the headpiece of the establishment. He is such a clearheaded fellow, he sees everything in a moment, and he has got everything on his shoulders. It’s not fair, I know. I must try and shake myself up a little and take my share, and not feel so helpless the moment Ned’s away⁠—that’s all,” he said, getting up again restlessly. “I have only given you a fright and made you unhappy; but there’s no reason for it, I assure you, Hester, so long as Ned is to be here.”

What he said did not comfort her at all, he could see. Her face did not relax nor her eyes lose their look of horror. He went away quite humbly, not saying a word to Mrs. John, who on her part gave him a silent, too significant, pathetic grasp of her hand. Harry was half tempted to laugh, but a great deal more to weep, as he went back again to Redborough. He reflected that it was hard upon a fellow to have to allow it to be supposed that he had offered himself to a girl a second time when he was doing nothing of the kind. But then he thought of Hester’s horrified look with a wonder and pain unspeakable, not having the remotest idea what such a look might mean. Anyhow, he concluded, Edward was coming home. That was the one essential circumstance after all.