Giant’s Bread · Book IV · III · Chapter 4 3 5

V

That summer they went down and stayed at Abbots Puissants. They were the only guests. Nell had not been there since she was a child. A deep regret came upon her that she could not have lived there with Vernon. The house was truly beautiful, and so were the stately gardens and the ruined Abbey.

George was in the middle of doing up the house and he consulted her taste at every turn. Nell began to feel quite a proprietary interest. She was almost happy again, enjoying the ease and luxury and the freedom from anxiety.

True, once she received the money from Abbots Puissants and had invested it she would have a nice little income, but she dreaded the onus of deciding where to live and what to do. She was not really happy with her mother, and all her own friends seemed to have drifted out of touch. She hardly knew where to go or what to do with her life.

Abbots Puissants gave her just the peace and rest she needed. She felt sheltered there and safe. She dreaded the return to town.

It was the last evening. George had pressed them to remain longer, but Mrs. Vereker had declared that they really couldn’t trespass any longer on his hospitality.

Nell and George walked together on the long flagged walk. It was a still, balmy evening.

“It has been lovely here,” said Nell, with a little sigh. “I hate going back.”

“I hate your going back too.” He paused and then said very quietly: “I suppose there’s no chance for me, is there, Nell?”

“I don’t know what you mean?”

But she did know⁠—she knew at once.

“I bought this house because I hoped some day you’d live here. I wanted you to have the home that was rightfully yours. Are you going to spend your whole life nursing a memory, Nell? Do you think he⁠—Vernon⁠—would wish it? I never think of the dead like that⁠—as grudging happiness to the living. I think he would want you to be looked after and taken care of now that he isn’t here to do it.”

She said in a low voice: “I can’t⁠ ⁠… I can’t.”

“You mean you can’t forget him? I know that. But I’d be very good to you, Nell. You’d be wrapped round with love and care. I think I could make you happy⁠—happier, at any rate, than you’ll be facing life by yourself. I do honestly and truly believe that Vernon would wish it.”

Would he? She wondered. She thought George was right. People might call it disloyalty, but it wasn’t. That life of hers with Vernon was something by itself⁠—nothing could touch it ever.

But oh! to be looked after, cared for, petted and understood. She always had been fond of George.

She answered very softly: “Yes.”