Section 6

t I ask of you, I must employ somebody else that will.「 「Madam,「 says the Gascon, 「I'll kill him for you if you please; but for lying with him!--How is it possible to do it without being discovered?「 「If you do not discover yourself,「 says the widow, 「you will lie safe enough, for he is past all curiosity. He comes in at night while she is asleep, and goes out in the morning before she awakes, and is in pain for nothing, so he knows she is there.「 「Madam,「 replied the Gascon, 「how can you reward me for passing a night with this old fellow?「 The widow answered with a laugh, 「Perhaps by admitting you to pass a night with one you think more agreeable.「 He took the hint, put on his night-clothes, and had not been a-bed above an hour before he heard a knocking at the door, and the treading of one who approached the other side of the bed, and who he did not question was the good man of the house. I do not know, whether the story would be better by telling you in this place, or at the end of it, that the person who went to bed to him was our young coquette widow. The Gascon was in a terrible fright every time she moved in the bed, or turned towards him, and did not fail to shrink from her till he had conveyed himself to the very ridge of the bed. I will not dwell upon the perplexity he was in the whole night, which was augmented, when he observed that it was now broad day, and that the husband did not yet offer to get up and go about his business. All that the Gascon had for it, was to keep his face turned from him, and to feign himself asleep, when, to his utter confusion, the widow at last puts out her arm, and pulls the bell at her bed's head. In came her friend, and two or three companions, to whom the Gascon had boasted of her favours. The widow jumped into a wrapping-gown, and joined with the rest in laughing at this man of intrigue.[54]

[Footnote 53: Bayle, in his life of this devotee, 1697, says that Antoinette Bourignon was born at Lisle in 1616, so deformed, that it was debated for some days in the family, whether it was not proper to stifle her as a monster. Her deformity diminishing, they laid aside the thought. Although she was of a morose and peevish temper, and embroiled in troubles most part of her life, she seemed to be but forty years of age when she was above sixty; never made use of spectacles, and died at Franeker, in the province of Frise, in 1680. From her childhood to her old age she had an extraordinary turn of mind. She published a multitude of books, filled with singular doctrines, such as might be expected from a person who roundly asserted, on the express declaration, she said, of God Himself, 「That the examination of things by reason, was the most accursed of all heresies, formal atheism, a rejection of God, and the substitution of corrupt reason in his place.「 She pretended to inspiration, and boasted of extraordinary communications with God; but appears to have been exceedingly defective in the essential duties of humility and charity. She was a woman of such ill conditions and odd behaviour, that nobody could live with her; and she seriously maintained, that anger was a real virtue. She contrived to accumulate money, but continued always uncharitable upon principle, alleging the errors of her understanding in defence of the inhumanity of her conduct.]

[Footnote 54: 「Advertisement.--Proposals for printing the Lucubrations of Isaac Bickerstaff, Esq., by subscriptions, are to be seen, and subscriptions taken by Charles Lillie, a perfumer, at the corner of Beaufort Buildings, in the Strand, and John Morphew, near Stationers Hall.「 See No. 80, note. The same proposals are advertised at the end of the subsequent papers in the original folio, with the following variation and addition: Proposals for printing, &c. by subscriptions, 「in two volumes in octavo, on a large character and fine royal paper,「 &c. In No. 134, &c., there was this addition: 「All persons that desire to subscribe to this work are desired to send their subscriptions before the 25th instant, it being intended to print no more than what shall be subscribed for, and to begin on the 27th in order to have it published before Easter.「 In No. 139 (Feb. 25-28) was the announcement, 「this day put to press.「 The idea of publishing by Easter was given up after No. 153. The books were not ready for the subscribers until July 10 (see No. 195, Advertisement). The third and fourth volumes of the Tatler were advertised as 「ready to be delivered「 in No. 227 of the Spectator (Nov. 20, 1711). The copies on royal paper were issued at a guinea a volume, and copies on medium paper at half a guinea. 「I am one of your two-guinea subscribers,「 says the writer of No. 5 of the Examiner (Aug. 31, 1710).]

No. 127. [STEELE.

From Saturday, Jan. 28, to Tuesday, Jan. 31, 1709-10.

Nimirum insanus paucis videatur, eo quod
Maxima pars hominum morbo jactatur eodem.
                    HOR., 2 Sat. iii. 120.

   *       *       *       *       *

From my own Apartment, January 30.

There is no affection of the mind so much blended in human nature, and wrought into our very constitution, as pride. It appears under a multitude of disguises, and breaks out in ten thousand different symptoms. Every one feels it in himself, and yet wonders to see it in his neighbour. I must confess, I met with an instance of it the other day where I should very little have expected it. Who would believe the proud person I am going to speak of, is a cobbler upon Ludgate Hill? This artist being naturally a lover of respect, and considering that his circumstances are such that no man living will give it him, has contrived the figure of a beau in wood, who stands before him in a bending posture, with his hat under his left arm, and his right hand extended in such a manner as to hold a thread, a piece of wax, or an awl, according to the particular service in which his master thinks fit to employ him. When I saw him, he held a candle in this obsequious posture. I was very well pleased with the cobbler's invention, that had so ingeniously contrived an inferior, and stood a little while contemplating this inverted idolatry, wherein the image did homage to the man. When we meet with such a fantastic vanity in one of this order, it is no wonder if we may trace it through all degrees above it, and particularly through all the steps of greatness. We easily see the absurdity of pride when it enters into the heart of a cobbler; though in reality it is altogether as ridiculous and unreasonable wherever it takes possession of a human creature. There is no temptation to it from the reflection upon our being in general, or upon any comparative perfection, whereby one man may excel another. The greater a man's knowledge is, the greater motive he may seem to have for pride; but in the same proportion as the one rises, the other sinks, it being the chief office of wisdom to discover to us our weaknesses and imperfections.

As folly is the foundation of pride, the natural superstructure of it is madness. If there was an occasion for the experiment, I would not question to make a proud man a lunatic in three weeks' time, provided I had it in my power to ripen his frenzy with proper applications. It is an admirable reflection in Terence, where it is said of a parasite, 「Hic homines ex stultis facit insanos!「[55] 「This fellow,「 says he, 「has an art of converting fools into madmen.「 When I was in France (the region of complaisance and vanity), I have often observed, that a great man who has entered a levy of flatterers humble and temperate, has grown so insensibly heated by the court which was paid him on all sides, that he has been quite distracted before he could get into his coach.

If we consult the collegiates of Moorfields, we shall find most of them are beholden to their pride for their introduction into that magnificent palace.[56] I had some years ago the curiosity to inquire into the particular circumstances of these whimsical freeholders, and learned from their own mouths the condition and character of each of them. Indeed I found, that all I spoke to were persons of quality. There were at that time five duchesses, three earls, two heathen gods, an emperor, and a prophet. There were also a great number of such as were locked up from their estates, and others who concealed their titles. A leather-seller of Taunton whispered me in my ear, that he was the Duke of Monmouth; but begged me not to betray him. At a little distance from him sat a tailor's wife, who asked me as I went by, if I had seen the sword-bearer? Upon which I presumed to ask her, who she was; and was answered, 「My Lady Mayoress.「

I was very sensibly touched with compassion towards these miserable people; and indeed, extremely mortified to see human nature capable of being thus disfigured. However, I reaped this benefit from it, that I was resolved to guard myself against a passion which makes such havoc in the brain, and produces so much disorder in the imagination. For this reason, I have endeavoured to keep down the secret swellings of resentment, and stifle the very first suggestions of self-esteem; to establish my mind in tranquillity, and over-value nothing in my own, or in another's possession.

For the benefit of such whose heads are a little turned, though not to so great a degree as to qualify them for the place of which I have been now speaking, I shall assign one of the sides of the college which I am erecting, for the cure of this dangerous distemper.

The most remarkable of the persons whose disturbance arises from pride, and whom I shall use all possible diligence to cure, are such as are bidden in the appearance of quite contrary habits and dispositions. Among such, I shall in the first place take care of one who is under the most subtle species of pride that I have observed in my whole experience.

This patient is a person for whom I have a great respect, as being an old courtier, and a friend of mine in my youth. The man has but a bare subsistence, just enough to pay his reckoning with us at the Trumpet:[57] but by having spent the beginning of his life in the hearing of great men and persons of power, he is always promising to do good offices, to introduce every man he converses with into the world; will desire one of ten times his substance to let him see him sometimes, and hints to him, that he does not forget him. He answers to matters of no consequence with great circumspection; but however, maintains a general civility in his words and actions, and an insolent benevolence to all whom he has to do with: this he practises with a grave tone and air; and though I am his senior by twelve years, and richer by forty pounds per annum, he had yesterday the impudence to commend me to my face, and tell me, he should be always ready to encourage me. In a-word, he is a very insignificant fellow, but exceeding gracious. The best return I can make him for his favours, is, to carry him myself to Bedlam, and see him well taken care of.[58]

The next person I shall provide for, is of a quite contrary character; that has in him all the stiffness and insolence of quality, without a grain of sense or good nature to make it either respected or beloved. His pride has infected every muscle of his face; and yet, after all his endeavours to show mankind that he contemns them, he is only neglected by all that see him, as not of consequence enough to be hated.

For the cure of this particular sort of madness, it will be necessary to break through all forms with him, and familiarise[59] his carriage by the use of a good cudgel. It may likewise be of great benefit to make him jump over a stick half a dozen times every morning.

A third whom I have in my eye is a young fellow, whose lunacy is such, that he boasts of nothing but what he ought to be ashamed of. He is vain of being rotten, and talks publicly of having committed crimes, which he ought to be hanged for by the laws of his country.

There are several others whose brains are hurt with pride, and whom I may hereafter attempt to recover; but shall conclude my present list with an old woman, who is just dropping into her grave, that talks of nothing but her birth. Though she has not a tooth in her head, she expects to be valued for the blood in her veins, which she fancies is much better than that which glows in the cheeks of Belinda,[60] and sets half the town on fire.

[Footnote 55: 「Eunuchus,「 II. ii. 23. See No. 208.]

[Footnote 56: Bedlam.]

[Footnote 57: In Shire Lane. See No. 132.]

[Footnote 58: 「Perhaps the most consummately drawn of all his characters is introduced in the Essay, No. 127.... We have a portrait of that kind which, though produced by a few apparently careless touches, never ceases to charm, and is a study for all succeeding time and painters「 (Forster's Essay on Steele). 「This character,「 wrote Leigh Hunt, 「is one of the finest that ever proceeded from his pen. It shows his contempt of that absurdest of all the passions of mortality--pride. The reader will take notice of the exquisite expression 'insolent benevolence,' and the 'very insignificant fellow, but exceeding gracious'「 (「A Book for a Corner,「 ii. 78-9).]

[Footnote 59: Bring down from its state of superiority.]

[Footnote 60: Nichols suggests an allusion to Mary Ann, daughter of Baron Spanheim, the Bavarian ambassador. She married the Marquis de Montandre in April 1710, and was a Kit-Cat toast. The reference--if there is any personal reference at all--may equally well be to any one of the beauties of the time.]

No. 128. [STEELE.

From Tuesday, Jan. 31, to Thursday, Feb. 2, 1709-10.

----Veniunt a dote sagittæ.--JUV., Sat. vi. 139.

   *       *       *       *       *

From my own Apartment, February 1.

This morning I received a letter from a fortune-hunter, which being better in its kind than men of that character usually write, I have thought fit to communicate to the public:

 「_To Isaac Bickerstaff, Esq._
 「SIR,

 「I take the boldness to recommend to your care the enclosed letter,
 not knowing how to communicate it but by your means to the
 agreeable country maid you mention with so much honour in your
 discourse concerning the lottery.[61]

 「I should be ashamed to give you this trouble without offering at
 some small requital: I shall therefore direct a new pair of globes
 and a telescope of the best maker, to be left for you at Mr.
 Morphew's, as a testimony of the great respect with which I am

                    「Your most humble Servant, &c.「

 「_To Mopsa in Sheer Lane._
 「FAIREST UNKNOWN,

 「It being discovered by the stars, that about ten[62] months hence,
 you will run the hazard of being persecuted by many worthless
 pretenders to your person, unless timely prevented, I now offer my
 service for your security against the persecution that threatens
 you. This is therefore to let you know, that I have conceived a
 most extraordinary passion for you; and that for several days I
 have been perpetually haunted with the vision of a person I have
 never yet seen. To satisfy you that I am in my senses, and that I
 do not mistake you for any one of higher rank, I assure you, that
 in your daily employment, you appear to my imagination more
 agreeable in a short scanty petticoat, than the finest woman of
 quality in her spreading farthingale; and that the dexterous twirl
 of your mop has more native charms than the studied airs of a
 lady's fan. In a word, I am captivated with your menial
 qualifications: the domestic virtues adorn you like attendant
 Cupids; cleanliness and healthful industry wait on all your
 motions; and dust and cobwebs fly your approach.

 「Now, to give you an honest account of myself, and that you may see
 my designs are honourable, I am an esquire of an ancient family,
 born to about fifteen hundred pounds a year, half of which I have
 spent in discovering myself to be a fool, and with the rest am
 resolved to retire with some plain honest partner, and study to be
 wiser. I had my education in a laced coat, and a French dancing
 school; and by my travel into foreign parts, have just as much
 breeding to spare, as you may think you want, which I intend to
 exchange as fast as I can for old English honesty and good sense. I
 will not impose on you by a false recommendation of my person,
 which (to show you my sincerity) is none of the handsomest, being
 of a figure somewhat short; but what I want in length, I make out
 in breadth. But in amends for that and all other defects, If you
 can like me when you see me, I shall continue to you, whether I
 find you fair, black or brown,

                                    「THE MOST CONSTANT OF LOVERS.
 「_January 27, 1709/10._「

This letter seems to be written by a wag, and for that reason I am not much concerned for what reception Mopsa shall think fit to give it; but the following certainly proceeds from a poor heart, that languishes under the most deplorable misfortune that possibly can befall a woman. A man that is treacherously dealt with in love may have recourse to many consolations. He may gracefully break through all opposition to his mistress, or explain with his rival; urge his own constancy, or aggravate the falsehood by which it is repaid. But a woman that is ill-treated has no refuge in her griefs but in silence and secrecy. The world is so unjust, that a female heart which has been once touched is thought for ever blemished. The very grief in this case is looked upon as a reproach, and a complaint almost a breach of chastity. For these reasons, we see treachery and falsehood are become as it were male vices, and are seldom found, never acknowledged, in the other sex. This may serve to introduce Statira's letter, which, without any turn or art, has something so pathetical and moving in it, that I verily believe it to be true, and therefore heartily pity the injured creature that wrote it:

                                    「_To Isaac Bickerstaff, Esq._
 「SIR,

 「You seem in many of your writings to be a man of a very
 compassionate temper, and well acquainted with the passion of love.
 This encourages me to apply myself to you in my present distress,
 which I believe you will look upon to be very great, and treat with
 tenderness, notwithstanding it wholly arises from love, and that it
 is a woman that makes this confession. I am now in the twenty-third
 year of my age, and have for a great while entertained the
 addresses of a man who I thought loved me more than life. I am sure
 I did him; and must own to you, not without some confusion, that I
 have thought on nothing else for these two long years, but the
 happy life we should lead together, and the means I should use to
 make myself still dearer to him. My fortune was indeed much beyond
 his; and as I was always in the company of my relations, he was
 forced to discover his inclinations, and declare himself to me by
 stories of other persons, kind looks, and many ways which he knew
 too well that I understood. Oh! Mr. Bickerstaff, it is impossible
 to tell you, how industrious I have been to make him appear lovely
 in my thoughts. I made it a point of conscience to think well of
 him, and of no man else: but he has since had an estate fallen to
 him, and makes love to another of a greater fortune than mine. I
 could not believe the report of this at first; but about a
 fortnight ago I was convinced of the truth of it by his own
 behaviour. He came to give our family a formal visit, when, as
 there were several in company, and many things talked of, the
 discourse fell upon some unhappy woman who was in my own
 circumstances. It was said by one in the room, that they could not
 believe the story could be true, because they did not believe any
 man could be so false. Upon which, I stole a look upon him with an
 anguish not to be expressed. He saw my eyes full of tears; yet had
 the cruelty to say, that he could see no falsehood in alterations
 of this nature, where there had been no contracts or vows
 interchanged. Pray, do not make a jest of misery, but tell me
 seriously your opinion of his behaviour; and if you can have any
 pity for my condition, publish this in your next paper, that being
 the only way I have of complaining of his unkindness, and showing
 him the injustice he has done me. I am

                                   「Your humble Servant,
                                             「The unfortunate
                                                       「STATIRA.「

The name my correspondent gives herself, puts me in mind of my old reading in romances, and brings into my thoughts a speech of the renowned Don Bellianis, who, upon a complaint made him of a discourteous knight, that had left his injured paramour in the same manner, dries up her tears with a promise of relief. 「Disconsolate damsel,「 quoth he, 「a foul disgrace it were to all right worthy professors of chivalry, if such a blot to knighthood should pass unchastised. Give me to know the abode of this recreant lover, and I will give him as a feast to the fowls of the air, or drag him bound before you at my horse's tail.「

   *       *       *       *       *

I am not ashamed to own myself a champion of distressed damsels, and would venture as far to relieve them as Don Bellianis; for which reason, I do invite this lady to let me know the name of the traitor who has deceived her; and do promise, not only her, but all the fair ones of Great Britain who lie under the same calamity, to employ my right hand for their redress, and serve them to my last drop of ink.

[Footnote 61: See No. 124.]

[Footnote 62: Altered, in error, to 「three,「 in the 1711 edition. In No. 124 「ten months「 remains. The drawing was at Michaelmas 1710.]

No. 129. [ADDISON.[63]

From Thursday, Feb. 2, to Saturday, Feb. 4, 1709-10.

Ingenio manus est et cervix cæsa.--JUV., Sat. x. 120.

   *       *       *       *       *

From my own Apartment, February 3.

When my paper for to-morrow was prepared for the press, there came in this morning a mail from Holland, which brought me several advices from foreign parts, and took my thoughts off domestic affairs. Among others, I have a letter from a burgher of Amsterdam, who makes me his compliments, and tells me, he has sent me several draughts of humorous and satirical pictures by the best hands of the Dutch nation. They are a trading people, and in their very minds mechanics. They express their wit in manufacture, as we do in manuscript. He informs me, that a very witty hand has lately represented the present posture of public affairs in a landscape, or rather sea-piece, wherein the potentates of the Alliance are figured as their interests correspond with, or affect each other, under the appearance of commanders of ships. These vessels carry the colours of the respective nations concerned in the present war. The whole design seems to tend to one point, which is, that several squadrons of British and Dutch ships are battering a French man-of-war, in order to make her deliver up a long-boat with Spanish colours. My correspondent informs me, that a man must understand the compass perfectly well, to be able to comprehend the beauty and invention of this piece, which is so skilfully drawn, that the particular views of every prince in Europe are seen according as the ships lie to the main figure in the picture, and as that figure may help or retard their sailing. It seems this curiosity is now on board a ship bound for England, and with other rarities made a present to me. As soon as it arrives, I design to expose it to public view at my secretary Mr. Lillie's, who shall have an explication of all the terms of art; and I doubt not but it will give as good content as the moving picture in Fleet Street.[64]

But above all the honours I have received from the learned world abroad, I am most delighted with the following epistle from Rome:

 「_Pasquin of Rome, to Isaac Bickerstaff of Great Britain, greeting._
 「SIR,

 「Your reputation has passed the Alps, and would have come to my
 ears by this time, if I had any. In short, sir, you are looked upon
 here as a Northern droll, and the greatest virtuoso among the
 Tramontanes. Some indeed say, that Mr. Bickerstaff and Pasquin are
 only names invented, to father compositions which the natural
 parent does not care for owning. But however that is, all agree,