Short Plays · The Showing-Up of Blanco Posnet (8/8) (2/2) (4/4)

| The Sheriff | Shut up, will you. Providence shows us a way out here. Two women saw Blanco with a horse. One has a delicacy about saying so. The other will excuse me saying that delicacy is not her strongest holt. She can give the necessary witness. Feemy Evans: you’ve taken the oath. You saw the man that took the horse. | | Feemy | I did. And he was a low-down rotten drunken lying hound that would go further to hurt a woman any day than to help her. And if he ever did a good action it was because he was too drunk to know what he was doing. So it’s no harm to hang him. She said he cursed her and went away blaspheming and singing things that were not fit for the child to hear. | | Blanco | Troubled. I didn’t mean them for the child to hear, you venomous devil. | | The Sheriff | All that’s got nothing to do with us. The question you have to answer is, was that man Blanco Posnet? | | The Woman | No. I say no. I swear it. Sheriff: don’t hang that man: oh don’t. You may hang me instead if you like: I’ve nothing to live for now. You daren’t take her word against mine. She never had a child: I can see it in her face. | | Feemy | Stung to the quick. I can hang him in spite of you, anyhow. Much good your child is to you now, lying there on Pug Jackson’s bench! | | Blanco | Rushing at her with a shriek. I’ll twist your heart out of you for that. They seize him before he can reach her. | | Feemy | Mocking at him as he struggles to get at her. Ha, ha, Blanco Posnet. You can’t touch me; and I can hang you. Ha, ha! Oh, I’ll do for you. I’ll twist your heart and I’ll twist your neck. He is dragged back to the bar and leans on it, gasping and exhausted. Give me the oath again, Elder. I’ll settle him. And do you to the Woman take your sickly face away from in front of me. | | Strapper | Just turn your back on her there, will you? | | The Woman | God knows I don’t want to see her commit murder. She folds her shawl over her head. | | The Sheriff | Now, Miss Evans: cut it short. Was the prisoner the man you saw this morning or was he not? Yes or no? | | Feemy | A little hysterically. I’ll tell you fast enough. Don’t think I’m a softy. | | The Sheriff | Losing patience. Here: we’ve had enough of this. You tell the truth, Feemy Evans; and let us have no more of your lip. Was the prisoner the man or was he not? On your oath? | | Feemy | On my oath and as I’m a living woman⁠—Flinching. Oh God! he felt the little child’s hands on his neck⁠—I can’t⁠—Bursting into a flood of tears and scolding at the other woman. It’s you with your snivelling face that has put me off it. Desperately. No: it wasn’t him. I only said it out of spite because he insulted me. May I be struck dead if I ever saw him with the horse! | | | Everybody draws a long breath. Dead silence. | | Blanco | Whispering at her. Softy! Crybaby! Landed like me! Doing what you never intended! Taking up his hat and speaking in his ordinary tone. I presume I may go now, Sheriff. | | Strapper | Here, hold hard. | | The Foreman | Not if we know it, you don’t. | | The Boys | Barring the way to the door.* You stay where you are. Stop a bit, stop a bit. Don’t you be in such a hurry. Don’t let him go. Not much. | | | Blanco stands motionless, his eye fixed, thinking hard, and apparently deaf to what is going on. | | The Sheriff | Rising solemnly. Silence there. Wait a bit. I take it that if the Sheriff is satisfied and the owner of the horse is satisfied, there’s no more to be said. I have had to remark on former occasions that what is wrong with this court is that there’s too many Sheriffs in it. Today there is going to be one, and only one; and that one is your humble servant. I call that to the notice of the Foreman of the jury, and also to the notice of young Strapper. I am also the owner of the horse. Does any man say that I am not? Silence. Very well, then. In my opinion, to commandeer a horse for the purpose of getting a dying child to a doctor is not stealing, provided, as in the present case, that the horse is returned safe and sound. I rule that there has been no theft. | | Nestor | That ain’t the law. | | The Sheriff | I fine you a dollar for contempt of court, and will collect it myself off you as you leave the building. And as the boys have been disappointed of their natural sport, I shall give them a little fun by standing outside the door and taking up a collection for the bereaved mother of the late kid that showed up Blanco Posnet. | | The Boys | A collection. Oh, I say! Calls that sport? Is this a mothers’ meeting? Well, I’ll be jiggered! Where does the sport come in? | | The Sheriff | Continuing. The sport comes in, my friends, not so much in contributing as in seeing others fork out. Thus each contributes to the general enjoyment; and all contribute to his. Blanco Posnet: you go free under the protection of the Vigilance Committee for just long enough to get you out of this town, which is not a healthy place for you. As you are in a hurry, I’ll sell you the horse at a reasonable figure. Now, boys, let nobody go out till I get to the door. The court is adjourned. He goes out. | | Strapper | To Feemy, as he goes to the door. I’m done with you. Do you hear? I’m done with you. He goes out sulkily. | | Feemy | Calling after him. As if I cared about a stingy brat like you! Go back to the freckled maypole you left for me: you’ve been fretting for her long enough. | | The Foreman | To Blanco, on his way out. A man like you makes me sick. Just sick. Blanco makes no sign. The Foreman spits disgustedly, and follows Strapper out. The Jurymen leave the box, except Nestor, who collapses in a drunken sleep. | | Blanco | Suddenly rushing from the bar to the table and jumping up on it. Boys, I’m going to preach you a sermon on the moral of this day’s proceedings. | | The Boys | Crowding round him. Yes: let’s have a sermon. Go ahead, Blanco. Silence for Elder Blanco. Tune the organ. Let us pray. | | Nestor | Staggering out of his sleep. Never hold up your head in this town again. I’m done with you. | | Blanco | Pointing inexorably to Nestor. Drunk in church. Disturbing the preacher. Hand him out. | | The Boys | Chivying Nestor out. Now, Nestor, outside. Outside, Nestor. Out you go. Get your subscription ready for the Sheriff. Skiddoo, Nestor. | | Nestor | Afraid to be hanged! Afraid to be hanged! At the door. Coward! He is thrown out. | | Blanco | Dearly beloved brethren⁠— | | A Boy | Same to you, Blanco. Laughter. | | Blanco | And many of them. Boys: this is a rotten world. | | Another Boy | Lord have mercy on us, miserable sinners. More laughter. | | Blanco | Forcibly. No: that’s where you’re wrong. Don’t flatter yourselves that you’re miserable sinners. Am I a miserable sinner? No: I’m a fraud and a failure. I started in to be a bad man like the rest of you. You all started in to be bad men or you wouldn’t be in this jumped-up, jerked-off, hospital-turned-out camp that calls itself a town. I took the broad path because I thought I was a man and not a snivelling canting turning-the-other-cheek apprentice angel serving his time in a vale of tears. They talked Christianity to us on Sundays; but when they really meant business they told us never to take a blow without giving it back, and to get dollars. When they talked the golden rule to me, I just looked at them as if they weren’t there, and spat. But when they told me to try to live my life so that I could always look my fellowman straight in the eye and tell him to go to hell, that fetched me. | | The Boys | Quite right. Good. Bully for you, Blanco, old son. Right good sense too. Aha‑a‑ah! | | Blanco | Yes; but what’s come of it all? Am I a real bad man? a man of game and grit? a man that does what he likes and goes over or through other people to his own gain? or am I a snivelling crybaby that let a horse his life depended on be took from him by a woman, and then sat on the grass looking at the rainbow and let himself be took like a hare in a trap by Strapper Kemp: a lad whose back I or any grown man here could break against his knee? I’m a rottener fraud and failure than the Elder here. And you’re all as rotten as me, or you’d have lynched me. | | A Boy | Anything to oblige you, Blanco. | | Another | We can do it yet if you feel really bad about it. | | Blanco | No: the devil’s gone out of you. We’re all frauds. There’s none of us real good and none of us real bad. | | Elder Daniels | There is One above, Blanco. | | Blanco | What do you know about Him? you that always talk as if He never did anything without asking your rotten leave first? Why did the child die? Tell me that if you can. He can’t have wanted to kill the child. Why did He make me go soft on the child if He was going hard on it Himself? Why should He go hard on the innocent kid and go soft on a rotten thing like me? Why did I go soft myself? Why did the Sheriff go soft? Why did Feemy go soft? What’s this game that upsets our game? For seems to me there’s two games bein’ played. Our game is a rotten game that makes me feel I’m dirt and that you’re all as rotten dirt as me. T’other game may be a silly game; but it ain’t rotten. When the Sheriff played it he stopped being rotten. When Feemy played it the paint nearly dropped off her face. When I played it I cursed myself for a fool; but I lost the rotten feel all the same. | | Elder Daniels | It was the Lord speaking to your soul, Blanco. | | Blanco | Oh yes: you know all about the Lord, don’t you? You’re in the Lord’s confidence. He wouldn’t for the world do anything to shock you, would He, Boozy dear? Yah! What about the croup? It was early days when He made the croup, I guess. It was the best He could think of then; but when it turned out wrong on His hands He made you and me to fight the croup for him. You bet He didn’t make us for nothing; and He wouldn’t have made us at all if He could have done His work without us. By Gum, that must be what we’re for! He’d never have made us to be rotten drunken blackguards like me, and good-for-nothing rips like Feemy. He made me because He had a job for me. He let me run loose till the job was ready; and then I had to come along and do it, hanging or no hanging. And I tell you it didn’t feel rotten: it felt bully, just bully. Anyhow, I got the rotten feel off me for a minute of my life; and I’ll go through fire to get it off me again. Look here! which of you will marry Feemy Evans? | | The Boys | Uproariously. Who speaks first? Who’ll marry Feemy? Come along, Jack. Now’s your chance, Peter. Pass along a husband for Feemy. Oh my! Feemy! | | Feemy | Shortly. Keep your tongue off me, will you? | | Blanco | Feemy was a rose of the broad path, wasn’t she? You all thought her the champion bad woman of this district. Well, she’s a failure as a bad woman; and I’m a failure as a bad man. So let Brother Daniels marry us to keep all the rottenness in the family. What do you say, Feemy? | | Feemy | Thank you; but when I marry I’ll marry a man that could do a decent action without surprising himself out of his senses. You’re like a child with a new toy: you and your bit of human kindness! | | The Woman | How many would have done it with their life at stake? | | Feemy | Oh well, if you’re so much taken with him, marry him yourself. You’d be what people call a good wife to him, wouldn’t you? | | The Woman | I was a good wife to the child’s father. I don’t think any woman wants to be a good wife twice in her life. I want somebody to be a good husband to me now. | | Blanco | Any offer, gentlemen, on that understanding? The boys shake their heads. Oh, it’s a rotten game, our game. Here’s a real good woman; and she’s had enough of it, finding that it only led to being put upon. | | Hannah | Well, if there was nothing wrong in the world there wouldn’t be anything left for us to do, would there? | | Elder Daniels | Be of good cheer, brothers. Fight on. Seek the path. | | Blanco | No. No more paths. No more broad and narrow. No more good and bad. There’s no good and bad; but by Jiminy, gents, there’s a rotten game, and there’s a great game. I played the rotten game; but the great game was played on me; and now I’m for the great game every time. Amen. Gentlemen: let us adjourn to the saloon. I stand the drinks. He jumps down from the table. | | The Boys | Right you are, Blanco. Drinks round. Come along, boys. Blanco’s standing. Right along to the Elder’s. Hurrah! They rush out, dragging the Elder with them. | | Blanco | To Feemy*, offering his hand. Shake, Feemy. | | Feemy | Get along, you blackguard. | | Blanco | It’s come over me again, same as when the kid touched me, same as when you swore a lie to save my neck. | | Feemy | Oh well, here. They shake hands. |